Unequally Yoked

Training oxen requires putting two different animals together; ones who have been raised from a different master and teaching them to work for another master: YOU.

This is so atypical to the natural course of things. You take an animal who has already learned what is necessary to get the job done and now you put them in a yoke and force them to relearn it all again!? WHAT?
That's crazy!

You know why it's important? Because you are their new master. You have to undo what they have already learned and teach them how to do it your way. It's your job as their new master.

Each time they are yoked together they will learn something; either something profitable for them or not. It is extremely uncomfortable for the oxen to be unqually yoked during their training; but it is essential. Here's the interesting part: They will challenge everything you do as their new master. Why? Because they will continue to create ways to have their own needs met.

Oxen will follow the rules of the master. If they think they are the master of their own domain; they will do what they please; however, if they know you are their master, they will follow your rules. But first you need to show them who's boss. You must prove yourself worthy, worthy to follow, to trust and provide for them.

Training them is not just about who's boss. It's about whether or not you are a trustworthy leader. They need to know you can be trusted to take care of them; to apply what you say; to be consistent. You must earn your respect as a leader. Remember, it is extremely uncomfortable for two seperate oxen to be paired together.

By showing you are a good leader, you must break the bad habits: yours and theirs. They will learn through the value of consequences. This requires a vast amount of commitment and follow through. You cannot let them do something you have not taught them, you cannot allow them to disobey or run off. Any time they disobey, you must teach them a lesson; the longer they disobey, the longer the lesson. They need to learn who is in charge.

It is far better to start with the young than the old. Once you have trained a young ox, they submit to your authority more readily than an elder. With an elder, more "mature" ox, you must constantly show them who's in charge. What a pain, right? It is important to train them while they are young, because once the young are older, they will be much larger than you and yet you will still be able to control them: you have already earned their trust. Once you have been established as their leader, the oxen will respect you. They will heed to your commands.

Now, you may be asking what the heck this has to do with being unequally yoked... Well, according to scripture Jesus tells us not to be unequally yoked. First read the verse:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” II Corinthians 6:14-17

Okay, so what in the world does that mean and why am I writing about training oxen....

First of all, let me first say that I am sad to hear of so many believers I know getting married to those who aren't ... and then they aren't happy with the results. It saddens me. And most of the believers are women married to men they think they can "win over". Okay, well scripture does say we, as women, can win them over without saying a word ...but ... it isn't working.

Here's why .... ladies .... first of all, you are not the head of the household. Now hold on all you feministic fanatics out there ... I'm not saying what you do and say doesn't matter in the house. I am saying that the man is the head, the leader, the Oh captain, my captain of the ship. I didn't set it up that way: God did. Ephesians 5:21-25

It's all about love and respect. If you respect him, you will be willing to serve him. If he feels this from you, he will love you and be willing to serve you. It's odd, I know - but it works because God set it up that way and I know if you just do it that way, it works. It will.

However ... however, I love that word ... However, if you don't do it that way ... there will be conflict. Now there's a word I don't like. So ... imagine if you will you are standing on a chair. Now, imagine there is someone standing next to you. Now ... try to pull them up on the chair with you. No, they cannot help you. No one is there to help you. You have to do it with only your strength.
It is impossible. In fact, the person may end up pulling you off the chair and hurting you and themselves. You being on the chair represents you as a believer in Christ; a citizen of Heaven; higher in stature; position (but by no means in arrogance).

I've tried it. Trust me. I have not once been able to pull a person up to the chair without help. A lot of help. That being said ... how many times have you tried to convince someone to think the way you think; believe what you believe; feel what you feel? You can't. You just can't do it.

So then, why would you think if you marry the guy (or the girl) you will be able to change them to believe and feel what you feel.

I know what you're thinking. Yeah, I can't, but God can. And you're right, God can ...BUT ... he said don't do it. He said don't do it. He said DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED.

Now, I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to not like being told what to do. And I also have this tendency to think that I can change someone. It doesn't work that way.

Only God can change people ... and that person has to be willing; they have to be open; they have to have their heart softened towards God. And only God can do that. No matter what you say ... only God has the power to change some one's thoughts, beliefs and feelings towards him.

I know you might also be thinking that love will conquer all and you can win them over with your love. That won't work either. Only the love of Christ will truly win them over. I know you love them a lot, otherwise you wouldn't be with them, but only God can truly turn their lives around. Marrying them does not open a door to change. Trust me. I'm married. There is no changing him. He will change if he is convicted by God, not convinced by me.

You see, God set things up the way he did for a reason. Just like training an ox to follow your rules, God uses Jesus and his teachings to train us to follow his rules. The oxen don't like to be told what to do any more than you and I; however, when they finally submit to the authority of their master, they are blessed. Blessed with positive consequences.

I know you love them. But sometimes the act of love is letting go. Sometimes if you genuinely love them (and yourself) you have to be willing to be obedient to God first. In doing so, hey, you never know, God may honor your obedience by turning their heart towards him and eventually back towards you. Only God knows.

Trust that God knows what he is doing. And just like your parents, who sometimes had you do things you didn't want to do, and maybe you did it and maybe you didn't. No matter what you decided, there were consequences to your actions. If you obeyed, it was good. If you disobeyed, it was not so good. And I'm sure you didn't like it, but it was good for you and it taught you right from wrong; good from bad. It taught you to honor and obey; to trust.

There is a perfectly good reason why God puts these rules out there for us, like it or not; they are to protect us and keep us from getting hurt: hurt by others and hurt by ourselves.

Now, I leave you with this. My sister-in-law married my brother. Out of love. She is a believer, my brother is not. He left her. For his best friends' wife. They have a daughter. Her name is Nikki. She is six.

A non-believer will do what non-believers do; just as an ox will do as he pleases, unless he is under the proper authority. In this case: God's.
They will pull you down from the chair. And the whole time they were doing it ... you thought you were still up there. My sister-in-law is only now beginning to realize when she started falling off the chair.

Jesus is our master. He knows the uncomfortableness of being unequally yoked. He knows the pains, the hardship. Just as the master of the oxen must be patient and consistent and loving; our God will be that way with us. It is difficult for the master to train those who are unequal; it takes a long time. But it is much more painful for the oxen; and they don't have a choice, whereas you do.

Be careful. I know you love them, I am not discounting that. Love is a great and powerful thing; but so is God. And his love is above all the love you can imagine.