Beautiful People

Two of the people in this picture most of you know as my son and daughter. The others in the picture, although you may not know them, you have heard me speak of them often.

They are my man's children from his previous relationships/marriages. They are beautiful.

Being married to a man with a past is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Nearly every day I learn something new about him, his family, his past.

Being a mother to children who want nothing to do with me is also very difficult. My man thinks I try too hard; I don't think I try hard enough and the children who don't live with us don't care whether I try or not. The cold hard truth is: they don't care about me; nor do they have to. It doesn't matter how I see it; the impotant thing for me is to understand how they see it. Whether is makes any sense; whether it is rational or irrational - it doesn't matter. What matters is how they interpret the things around them and my comprehension of and reaction to that.

When I married my man, I married him for who he was and is and everything he brought and brings into the marriage; that includes his children. The two who live with us love their Dad and I dearly, although we have our difficulties just as any other blended family. However, the others ... well, that's a whole nother story.

How do I love someone who doesn't love me?
How do I show someone I care about them when they could care less about me?
How do I keep trying and pushing forward when all my attempts are thwarted?
How do I keep forgiving someone who deliberately hurts me?

Some of you reading this think you understand what's it's like; but I doubt it.
You can only truly understand once you've been down a similar road.

So ... what to do ... what to do.
As of now, I am attempting to forgive 70 times 7. Thank you very much Peter for asking Jesus how many times we should forgive our brethren. I really appreciate the visual now.
No really, thanks. I can understand why you really wanted to know...

Now, I am attempting to unmask the bitter taste of anger and betrayal.
Now, I am working my way back to freedom by learning how to develop a safety net of friends and a support system around me to protect me from future hurts and pain.
Now, I am learning what to look for and how to have compassion and empathy for those who hurt me because of who I represent; and for what they do not understand.
Now, I will learn to be more proactive rather than reactive and learn to see through Satan's guise. Key word: learn.

Not an easy task; but necessary.
Necessary for my marriage, my sanity and security.
Necessary for my walk, my representation and the beautiful people in my life.
Just plain necessary.
I would ask you to pray, but I have no idea what exactly to ask you to pray for.
I am at a loss. I don't even know what to pray; what to ask for; what to beg for.
Intersession is needed from the highest of highs.
True intersession.

And for those of you with step parents: be gentle, be kind.
And remember, if you truly honor, love and repect your biological parents; you would, in turn honor, love and repect them for and in their choice of a spouse.