You'd Think I'd Know By Now

Can I just say I hate when my kids are in trouble. I wish I never had to talk to them about anything except the fun stuff. Like finger nail polish and make up; video games and fast cars.

Life, in my house, is the pits when someone gets in trouble. It's a time for reflection. I time for decisions. A time of real, "What the heck was I thinking?" for both the kid in trouble and me.

Now, I don't know about you, but I say some pretty unkind things when I'm pissed off and disappointed. I don't do it all the time, but when I do, I really have to take a step back and refocus. I usually realize it right away and apologize. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a raging baboon. More often than not, I am even tempered and wait for the right time and place to communicate my disappointment and expectations.

However, I blew it with my son yesterday, and he wasn’t the one in trouble.
It couldn't be just one of them ... it had to be both.
He hadn't even done anything wrong. At least nothing that warranted me sending him to bed. I was just so full of emotion that I seemed real on edge. Dinner was horrible; my food tasted like, well... nothing. My daughter chose to pout the whole time because she lost some privileges, causing my son to become real uncomfortable and wondering whether he was next.
This makes me understand why some parents choose not to invite children to the table unless they can come to enjoy everyone there; without sulking. Or they can eat alone; choice is theirs. I should have done that, but I had no idea it was going to be so dramatic.

Anyway ... I won't go into details about what my daughter did, but I will say, it was out of character for those of you who know her. It was totally motivated by self; which I can understand for a teenager. However, I didn't even see it coming.

I trusted her. And some things; there’s just no excuse for.

And better yet, this isn't the first time she has done this. The last several times this has happened, we have talked about it. She made her agreements, I would trust her in this area again and again and then ... well, here we are again.

So ... what to do ... what to do ....
To be honest, I realize I need to set up some distinct do's and don’ts with her regarding certain areas of her life and mine; boundaries.
I also realize, I need to create a more structured environment for her so she knows what is expected of her.
We have this in place; however, she seems to think it's a choice.

Well, it is a choice. She can follow the guidelines or not.
The choice she would like however is to avoid any consequences related to her poor choices.
All of them.
Unless, of course, they are the good consequences.

I just can't seem to help her understand that her choices matter.
Not just to me, but to herself; that she is choosing to injure herself by making such poor choices.

Am I going crazy.....
I mean, how hard is it to make good choices?
Come on!
Good choices usually lead to good things.
If you do the right thing, there will be good consequences.
If you do the wrong thing, there will be bad consequences.
I know I am thinking rather black and white at the moment, but hang on.

My Pastor talked about that today.
Big and Rich!
Doing things God’s way in order to receive his blessings.

I don't understand why my daughter doesn't seem to understand this.
She seriously thinks that the consequences don't matter.
Unless they are the good ones. Those she deserves; those she expects. Those, she can’t wait for and even reminds me of them when I have forgotten to follow through with them.

The bad ones … Well, according to her, she doesn’t think she has those coming.
Hello, operator? What planet am I on? … Hello? … Hello? Is anybody there?

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Hello; therefore, we have consequences. I mean even physics and math and biology have consequences.
Let go of a ball, it falls. Two plus tow equals four. Have sex, have babies.
Quite simple. At least I think so anyway.

I just don't get it.
Am I nuts?
I keep try to model it for her.
I encourage her.
I praise her.

I just don't get it.
But here’s what I do get.
There are some things that God does which I don't have to understand.
There are some things that my children do that I don't have to understand.
Here’s what I need to get.
What I need to do is trust that God loves my children more than I ever could.
What I need to do is trust that He has our family's best interests at heart, even when it doesn't feel like it.

So, I apologized to my son for getting upset with him for no reason.
I asked for a big hug; which he gladly gave to me.
I let him stay awake and watch Disney and even sleep upstairs.

I’m working on how to address my daughter without going into a big shpeel.
I've asked my daughter to think about what actions brought her to this place.
And meanwhile, I am praying that she will one day come to understand the importance of her choices and what effect they have. … and not just how they affect her.

Thank you for listening.