Friendship is a Goodship?

I think I am friendship illiterate. I can't speak the language very well. Every good friend I have had has either turned sour or just disappeared; due to distance or disagreements.

There are the friends when situations get a little uncomfortable; either ones they are in or ones I am in, they bail. They jump off the goodship lollipop. Maybe they bail because they don't like being in the situation. Or maybe they bail because they don't like a friend telling them what needs to be changed. Or maybe they bail because you disagree on a situation and you find no common ground. Or they bail because they find your situation too difficult for them to handle.

I thought the job of a friend was to be there for them in their pain. To carry their pain with them. I thought that's what Jesus taught. If so, I have done that to the point where it has, unknowingly, poisoned and injured me. I have since established some helpful boundaries.

I have been backstabbed, burned, lied about, tred upon, forsaken, and much more. Protecting my goodship, will inevidably protect me. If my ship is well protected, I am well protected. I am safe.

I wonder if I have guarded myself so much that I have lost the language of frienship. The only folks on board are the cast and crew. So sit right back and you'll hear a tail .... A tail of a faithful ship ...
I don't come to shore often. Only for what is needed and then I set sail again. If I stay too long, someone may get on board and rock the boat. Not safe.

So think about it. I'm basically isolating myself to keep myself safe, but at the same time keeping myself away from potential friendships. Good ones. Ones that will care about my goodship as much as I do. Cause that's what real friends do, they help protect your ship with you and vice versa.

I am praying for a friend who shares the same values I do; like character, integrity, honesty, and loyalty. I don't think a true friend is one who says, "Hey, we can talk, but only about what makes me feel comfortable." What's the point? Really? Is that being a friend?

Don't get me wrong. I understand those whom I would like to be friends with will have their own boundaries (and issues). I have had friends whom I have to literally stop from talking and redirect them to the real issue. But I've never stopped them from sharing their pain and just throw stuff out there to make them feel better. That's me caring about my needs, not my friends' needs.

I also understand clingy friends that make you think twice about going out with them. But you do it and you dress up in your suit of armor before you go; praying like a banchee the whole time. And it's these friends who don't think they are clingy.... even when you demontrate it.

I also understand those people who think you ought to be their friend simply because you work together or go to school together. They don't understand your boundaries... maybe because they don't have any. I understand all this. What I'm talking about are the ones who are your friends. The ones you have made your friends.

The book of Proverbs (It's in the Bible right after Psalms) says that a friend sticks closer than a brother. When I used to get in trouble at home, my brother would high tail it to the farm, no joke. Especially if he was involved in what got me in trouble to begin with. My friends would sit with me when I got in trouble and even stay by my side while I cried; that is, if my mom didn't tell them to leave. If she did, they would feel bad for leaving me. What happened to those kind of friends?

I see a friend as a little girl. One who is sitting outside alone when someone down the block comes and sits next to her. She says, "Wanna play?". But the girl is quiet; sad. And this someone just sits with her until she is ready. Where are those type of friends?

I see a friend as a girl. One on the play ground who is getting picked on by many boys and girls while the teachers stand around and gossip. The girl goes over to the one being picked on and walks her out of the situation; risking others picking on her as well. Where are those friends?

I see a friend as someone who sticks with you; even when it is uncomfortable. Someone willing to take the risk of getting hurt. Someone who shares the same values.

If I can't even have a conversation with a friend about how gross I feel about a situation, without them caring more about how they feel than how I feel; then they are not my friend. And I don't want them to be my friend. Something I learned from my pastor a long time ago ... Be friends with everyone, but just don't make everyone your friend.

Those I called friend, I will sit with you when you have gotten in trouble. Those I call friend, I will sit in the stillness of the day until you are ready. Those I call friend, I will be with you when people pick on you. Those I call friend, I will walk you out of the torment and pain, risking the pain myself. Those I call friend, I will endure the discomfort with you until you feel better. Those I call friend may hurt me; however, God is my protector and it is through him that friendships endure.