Desperation

I know I told many of you that I would not be continuing this blog, but I have been praying and thinking about the possiblility of using this blog for a parent support group that I facilitate through an organization called Beyond Consequences, Inc. (BCI).

Then I read an email and the follow up story from Heather Forbes, co-founder of BCI and friend.

Before you go to the links, try to be open minded and non-judgemental. As angry and hurt as you may be when you read and listen to the reports, there are many things you may never understand.

There are times in life when not everything makes sence and this may be one of those times for you. Through this, I hope you will join me in trying to help those families who raise diffucult children; even those who have been adopted from here, elsewhere or though foster care.

Many of these children have been through so many ordeals as infants and then throughout their childhood; things you may think are of no consequence. Although you may think the trauma of a neglected infant who is then adopted into a loving home is irrelevant. You may not understand how that trauma shows itself in many different ways later on in life. If the adopted family has little support and a great lack of understanding, stressors may arise that are far too difficult for the family to cope.

The following is an excerp from the story:
Neighbors said Sieferman had foreclosed on a home and was having legal problems. During the investigation police found a bloody axe and knife and a note in Sieferman's bedroom that read, "Sorry, I can't deal with them anymore."

Many parents have been in this place before. A place of not being able to deal with their own "adopted" children. A place of no where else to go. A place of utter chaos. A place of desperation; thinking of only one way out: death. Although they may not have gone to the depths as this woman has, I assure you they have reached levels of great stress and pain.

Please, join me in prayer for this woman. Her name is Sylvia. Her children are in critical condition. Their names are Hannah and Linnea.

Although you may be very angry at the mother, please try to understand the how she got to that point before you dare cast your judgement. Remember: judge not, lest you be judged.

There is help. If you are in this place or know of any parents who are in this place; know there is help. There are people who do understand what you (or they) are going through.

Where did she go?

I'm right here!
So, check it out!

I may be leaving ...

Yes. You read that right.

I think I may be moving to wordpress.
However ... I am still figuring it out.
Here's where you can find me (here and there)
www.je55y.wordpress.com

But, I will still be here for a little bit until I can figure wordpress out.
Wow! Blogging is complicated.
But I love it!

Unequally Yoked

Training oxen requires putting two different animals together; ones who have been raised from a different master and teaching them to work for another master: YOU.

This is so atypical to the natural course of things. You take an animal who has already learned what is necessary to get the job done and now you put them in a yoke and force them to relearn it all again!? WHAT?
That's crazy!

You know why it's important? Because you are their new master. You have to undo what they have already learned and teach them how to do it your way. It's your job as their new master.

Each time they are yoked together they will learn something; either something profitable for them or not. It is extremely uncomfortable for the oxen to be unqually yoked during their training; but it is essential. Here's the interesting part: They will challenge everything you do as their new master. Why? Because they will continue to create ways to have their own needs met.

Oxen will follow the rules of the master. If they think they are the master of their own domain; they will do what they please; however, if they know you are their master, they will follow your rules. But first you need to show them who's boss. You must prove yourself worthy, worthy to follow, to trust and provide for them.

Training them is not just about who's boss. It's about whether or not you are a trustworthy leader. They need to know you can be trusted to take care of them; to apply what you say; to be consistent. You must earn your respect as a leader. Remember, it is extremely uncomfortable for two seperate oxen to be paired together.

By showing you are a good leader, you must break the bad habits: yours and theirs. They will learn through the value of consequences. This requires a vast amount of commitment and follow through. You cannot let them do something you have not taught them, you cannot allow them to disobey or run off. Any time they disobey, you must teach them a lesson; the longer they disobey, the longer the lesson. They need to learn who is in charge.

It is far better to start with the young than the old. Once you have trained a young ox, they submit to your authority more readily than an elder. With an elder, more "mature" ox, you must constantly show them who's in charge. What a pain, right? It is important to train them while they are young, because once the young are older, they will be much larger than you and yet you will still be able to control them: you have already earned their trust. Once you have been established as their leader, the oxen will respect you. They will heed to your commands.

Now, you may be asking what the heck this has to do with being unequally yoked... Well, according to scripture Jesus tells us not to be unequally yoked. First read the verse:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” II Corinthians 6:14-17

Okay, so what in the world does that mean and why am I writing about training oxen....

First of all, let me first say that I am sad to hear of so many believers I know getting married to those who aren't ... and then they aren't happy with the results. It saddens me. And most of the believers are women married to men they think they can "win over". Okay, well scripture does say we, as women, can win them over without saying a word ...but ... it isn't working.

Here's why .... ladies .... first of all, you are not the head of the household. Now hold on all you feministic fanatics out there ... I'm not saying what you do and say doesn't matter in the house. I am saying that the man is the head, the leader, the Oh captain, my captain of the ship. I didn't set it up that way: God did. Ephesians 5:21-25

It's all about love and respect. If you respect him, you will be willing to serve him. If he feels this from you, he will love you and be willing to serve you. It's odd, I know - but it works because God set it up that way and I know if you just do it that way, it works. It will.

However ... however, I love that word ... However, if you don't do it that way ... there will be conflict. Now there's a word I don't like. So ... imagine if you will you are standing on a chair. Now, imagine there is someone standing next to you. Now ... try to pull them up on the chair with you. No, they cannot help you. No one is there to help you. You have to do it with only your strength.
It is impossible. In fact, the person may end up pulling you off the chair and hurting you and themselves. You being on the chair represents you as a believer in Christ; a citizen of Heaven; higher in stature; position (but by no means in arrogance).

I've tried it. Trust me. I have not once been able to pull a person up to the chair without help. A lot of help. That being said ... how many times have you tried to convince someone to think the way you think; believe what you believe; feel what you feel? You can't. You just can't do it.

So then, why would you think if you marry the guy (or the girl) you will be able to change them to believe and feel what you feel.

I know what you're thinking. Yeah, I can't, but God can. And you're right, God can ...BUT ... he said don't do it. He said don't do it. He said DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED.

Now, I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to not like being told what to do. And I also have this tendency to think that I can change someone. It doesn't work that way.

Only God can change people ... and that person has to be willing; they have to be open; they have to have their heart softened towards God. And only God can do that. No matter what you say ... only God has the power to change some one's thoughts, beliefs and feelings towards him.

I know you might also be thinking that love will conquer all and you can win them over with your love. That won't work either. Only the love of Christ will truly win them over. I know you love them a lot, otherwise you wouldn't be with them, but only God can truly turn their lives around. Marrying them does not open a door to change. Trust me. I'm married. There is no changing him. He will change if he is convicted by God, not convinced by me.

You see, God set things up the way he did for a reason. Just like training an ox to follow your rules, God uses Jesus and his teachings to train us to follow his rules. The oxen don't like to be told what to do any more than you and I; however, when they finally submit to the authority of their master, they are blessed. Blessed with positive consequences.

I know you love them. But sometimes the act of love is letting go. Sometimes if you genuinely love them (and yourself) you have to be willing to be obedient to God first. In doing so, hey, you never know, God may honor your obedience by turning their heart towards him and eventually back towards you. Only God knows.

Trust that God knows what he is doing. And just like your parents, who sometimes had you do things you didn't want to do, and maybe you did it and maybe you didn't. No matter what you decided, there were consequences to your actions. If you obeyed, it was good. If you disobeyed, it was not so good. And I'm sure you didn't like it, but it was good for you and it taught you right from wrong; good from bad. It taught you to honor and obey; to trust.

There is a perfectly good reason why God puts these rules out there for us, like it or not; they are to protect us and keep us from getting hurt: hurt by others and hurt by ourselves.

Now, I leave you with this. My sister-in-law married my brother. Out of love. She is a believer, my brother is not. He left her. For his best friends' wife. They have a daughter. Her name is Nikki. She is six.

A non-believer will do what non-believers do; just as an ox will do as he pleases, unless he is under the proper authority. In this case: God's.
They will pull you down from the chair. And the whole time they were doing it ... you thought you were still up there. My sister-in-law is only now beginning to realize when she started falling off the chair.

Jesus is our master. He knows the uncomfortableness of being unequally yoked. He knows the pains, the hardship. Just as the master of the oxen must be patient and consistent and loving; our God will be that way with us. It is difficult for the master to train those who are unequal; it takes a long time. But it is much more painful for the oxen; and they don't have a choice, whereas you do.

Be careful. I know you love them, I am not discounting that. Love is a great and powerful thing; but so is God. And his love is above all the love you can imagine.

A Broken Leg

Did you know that sheep are pretty dumb animals?
Did you also know that the Bible refers to believers as sheep?
Logic would then tell us that we are pretty dumb.
Therefore, we need a shepherd.
Hence, Christ.

However, did you also know that sheep, being the dumb creatures they are will follow the lead of another dumb sheep ... and not the shepherd? Yup. The other sheep will just follow along having no clue whatsoever of where they are going or what they are doing.

They know one thing: follow that sheep.
The shepherd maybe calling the lead sheep and the lead sheep is not returning.
The other sheep continue to follow.

So what's a shepherd to do?
Go get the trouble making dumb sheep who is leading the others astray, break its leg and carry it over his shoulder until the leg heals.

During that time of healing, the sheep whose leg gets broken learns the shepherd's voice and learns to trust the shepherd. When the sheep's leg is healed, the shepherd releases the sheep.

Guess what the sheep does then?
The sheep stays with the shepherd.
He no longer wonders off for others to follow it.

Now, that's not to say that others won't try and do the same thing, but at least one has learned its lesson.

Jesus says, the sheep know me and they know my voice.
John 10:4, 14, 27
In fact, just read all of John 10, because all is lost without proper context. As Bobb Biehl says, "Nothing is meaningful without context." Nicely put.

Jesus is trying to say that he knows his people. He knows us.
He also knows that there are those among us who will try to convince us of things that are not true; are not of God. Satan, our enemy will use those closest to you to convince you of things; he will use those closest to you to hurt you and pull or push your buttons.

If we are close to Jesus, and if we have all been broken, which we have; logically speaking: all of us like sheep have gone astray - Isaiah 53:6... so ... that being said, if we have all been broken, and we are all like sheep, then we, too know the voice of our shepherd. We learn to trust and obey him; to stay close to him.

So ... then, why is it that we still struggle with believing what we hear from others and leave our shepherd's side?

Here's what I think.
I think it's because we trust those around us to know what they are talking about.
I believe it is in our nature to believe in those closest to us; especially those we trust, those we believe to also be spiritual and religious and Christ-like.
However, there are many Christ followers who are not exactly who they claim to be.
We've all been there.
We've all been those people who say we care, but we really don't.
We've all be hypocritical (and if you say aren't, guess what? You just made yourself one).

We are all human ... and that's the problem.

So, what to do ... what to do?
Well, definately pray.
Be close to your shepherd.
Spend time with him every day and seek him out.
Filter what others say to you through God's word and through your own prayer life.
If it sounds hinky, it probably is.
Plus, if it is in direct contradiction to what you know is true, guess what, don't believe it then.
Sometimes if you just use your common sense ... it should tell you something.
If you believe something to be true because there is no other reason to believe otherwise, until someone or something comes around to convince you otherwise ... maybe you should ask yourself why they are trying to convince you of something different. Maybe they have an agenda.

I know I have gone through this with my family; it's family .. what can you do?
I have also gone through it with some of my good friends from church (who are no longer involved with the same church and are no longer good friends).
And that's a good thing.
It's good because ...
It has taught me who to trust.
It has taught me to be more careful with what I believe.
It has caused me to pause when I hear things and filter it through the word of God and the voice of my shepherd.
It has caused me to be thankful for what has happened in order to teach me what to look out for next time.
It has caused me to reflect more than I ever thought necessary; reflect on the past in light of the present with a hope for the future.
It has caused me to be less judgemental and more open to what God may be teaching me in the moment.
It has also taught me the value of one's character and integrity.
It has also taught me the most valuable lesson of all:
Trust God. Trust God. Trust God.
Did I mention it has taught me to trust God?

There have been countless amount of times that I have wanted to trust the person, the circumstance or my own thoughts.... It is impossible.
Even when what I hear and believe doesn't make any sense: I need to Trust God!

We've all been broken.
Therefore, we should all know the voice of our shepherd.
However, it is our choice as to whether we will listen to him, others or ourselves.
I choose to listen to him; lest I be led astray.

Be bold.
Be great.
Read Barbaric Grace

Feeling a "little" Liberated

I am reading this book called Barbaric Grace written by some guy with some vision ... my pastor! It is amazing.
I cannot tell you how inspired this book has made me to do something I had only dreams and visions of. For years now, ever since moving to O-town I have had a desire to help the homeless, vegabonds and the prostitutes. I just don't know how to ... yet.
I thought I had this burden before I went to the Domincan Republic; since coming back two and a half years ago ... it is still there. The voices are not getting any quieter ... and no, I am not some schizoid dellusionary ...
When my husband and I retire I still pray on going back there to teach English and give hope to those children (like the one you see in this picture); hope of a future; a future with plans of prosperity, joy and peace that can only come from Christ.

Now I know and realize there are many out there who take advantage of sorry saps like me who have a heart for the disadvantaged, but here it is ...
It's simple, yet so incredably silly.
I thought about buying a bunch of bread (which is like three bucks for two loafs at BJ's wholesale - not bad) and some peanut butter; honey, fluff, jelly and butter.
Not done yet ... hold on to your hats.
Make a whole mess of sandwhiches of different callabor; obviously not every one likes peanut butter and jelly and then pass them out ... oh and milk. Can't have peanut butter without milk.
Or ... or ... I could make and bring hot dogs and buns with ketchup, mustard, sauercraut ... yummy. But then I would need someplace to keep them warm ... And I think I would need a permit for a hot dog stand ... not at all what I have in mind right now.

But first. I need to know where they all hang out. Now, before all the construction on the 408 and I-4 (thank you very much); and the blue laws activated, it was obvious where the homeless and the prostitutes hung out ... BUT NOW ... I can't find their hang out ... so how can I pass out sandwhiches to people I can't find?
I can't.

So .. what to do ....
What to do.

I really don't know yet.
I think I can maybe go to the police station and ask them where the vegabonds are hanging out now a days ... but I think they may think me crazy ...
So, I don't really like the looks of that idea ...

So why would I go through all this trouble and money and time for people who may only just take advantage of someone like me ...
Well now ... THAT is a good question.
One which deserves an answer.
I have this burden.
It bugs the hell out of me.
Everytime I see a homeless person I can't help but think of ways to help them.
You have no idea the hours I spend thinking up things. Hours. I hate it.
Everytime I see what looks to be a prostitute (it's hard now a days because so many young ladies dress so provocatively, I can't hardly tell anymore) I just want to help them out somehow. But how?
How do I do so in a genuine way without getting hurt, without hurting them and still answer the greatest question of all: how do I communicate Christ to them in a sincere, loving, genuine way without making Christ look like me?
Because, after all, it's not about me.
It's about him!

How do I bring them the good news without scaring them
off with "church-I-ness"?
Punn intended.

How do I get them to see that not all church people are the same?
They know all about the gospel and God and his goodness; trust me.
If they have been to any one of the shelters, they've heard it all ... and yet ... where are they? Why do some of us continue to act as though we have no responsibility to them when cleary Jesus commands us to take care of them?

I'm not saying you HAVE to do something; but clearly you have to do what God is screaming in your ear (or heart) to do ... or at least it's what it seems like.

I'm still in the pilot stage of my thinking ... It's a thought ... it's a prayer ... it's a burden ... it's frankly a pain in my neck!
Don't you know I would rather think on ANY OTHER thing or person in the whole world than to think on someone who CHOOSES (or do they?) to be where they are when I drive by and see them standing there. Don't you know I think of the same excuses you do (or not) when I see them and CHOOSE not to act.
You see, there I go again!
I could write on this all day!

Please pray for God to reveal HIMSELF to me in this.
I want to be in his footsteps and set a good example for his sake not my own agenda.
Do I even have one? I don't know ... I just know what bothers me and I also know where visions start and how they start and how they begin, or not begin and therefor die ... I have lots of things I'd rather be thinking about and doing; but this ... this things I keep thinking about it bugging me....

I figured it out!

I Love a Rainy Night!