A Tribute to my GRANDma

This is my Grandmother. Isn't she so cute?
This picture was taken at my Granddaddy's 80th
birthday party. I call her "Shorty" because she keeps shrinking.
In this picture, my Grandma wanted, of her and my brother (ain't he handsome), she told him he'd have to sit down and he said, "No I don't. Watch.", so you see him squatting down to her level in order to make her feel better about not being so tiny compared to him in the picture. That's why she's laughing and her cheeks are so red.

On Memorial day most of you were out picnicing/BBQing with your family and having a great time; hey so was I, well I was BQQing and working on a paper, so I was sort of having a good time; at least the food was good.

My Grandma and Granddaddy were at a birthday party for one of the great grandbabies; when around 3:00pm, my Grandma said she didn't feel very well. She wanted to go home and go to bed but others around her convinced her to go to the hospital (considering some of the people there had had their share of problems, she agreed). They called 911 and went to the hospital.

Once there, they discovered she'd suffered a heart attack and was rushed into surgery where she was given three stents.
I found out from my brother, whom you see in this picture. I received the call when I was on my way home from my brother-in-laws home; around 6:30pm.

After speaking with my brother, I called my Granddaddy; he said my Grandma was fine and would be coming home in a couple of days. I spoke with my mom for a little while and then called the hospital to see how things were going. BTW 411 is not a very good info provider; especially when you are trying to find out a number for a hospital; and you're crying.

So, the nurse I spoke with said she was doing well. She was in ICU, and would be moved to a room outside of ICU on Tuesday. I called Tuesday at 6:30am to see how she was doing; the nurses reported fine and she would be moved later in the afternoon; which she was. I called back when she was moved to her room and was able to speak with her; the kids spoke with her and told her their concerns and how much they loved her.

My Grandma is the lady who made sure I went to church; made sure I knew about Jesus, made sure I listened; was polite, repectful; kind, lady-like.
I am her Angel and she is my Guardian Angel.

I love her so deeply; she practically raised me; she is like a Mom to me.
She is perfect. She is wholesome and gente;
She is kind and warmhearted.
She prays every chance she gets;
She journals so she won't foget.
She takes care of her husband and laughs at his jokes.
She loves her man and he loves her back;
They argue at times; then forgive and forget.
She is an example of purity and wisdom;
She is goodness and love; hearty and fun.
She is mercy and grace all rolled up in one.
She prays for me;
She's my guardian angel.
Without her prayers;
God knows where I'd be...

Thank you Lord for my Grandma.
Thank you for what she has taught me
In words and in action
I've watched her all my life
And ya know what I saw?
I saw You.
I saw Jesus.
I saw Love
I saw Mercy.
I saw me.



I love you Grandma.

A Tribute to my Daddy

I love you Daddy.
You are the funniest guy on Earth.
I miss you so much.
You always make me laugh, even when I am the saddest girl on the planet.
After being cheated on, dumped; when you found out I started smoking at the age of 24, when I hate fights with my mom; you were always there; even though you weren't really 'there'.
I keep trying to convince you to come to Florida, but you'd rather stay in New York, with your air conditioning and walk around with your cut off jeans.
I love the funny faces you make; playing silly games like spoons and Janga.
No matter what you always seemed to have a smile on your face.
You taught me how to love people, even when they are being a complete jackass.
You taught me how to accept people for who they are, even when they are an idiot.
You taught me how to be sincere and genuine about how I feel, no matter what anyone else might think.
I'll be in Greece for Father's day, but I wanted to start a tribute to you now.
I hope you know how much I love you, Daddy!

Thank you for teaching me to love my mom even when she can be the most unlovable person around. Thank you for loving your wife; thank you for teaching me what staying together through all the yuck looks like. Thank you for teaching me how to get over the pain; to move on and to laugh.

I hope you know how much I appreciate you and all you do for your family, for your beautiful wife and children. Thank you for teaching me what family is all about. Thank you for always having the right things to say, even when I didn't want to talk about it.

Thank you, Daddy.

A Fail-a-phobic

Sorry for not writing in a couple of days... been thinkin ...

I gotta tell ya, God has a way of gettin to ya when ya least expect it ...

How do I know?

I listen to music, I read books, I read my daily email devotions, I listen to my friends, family and spouse, and most recently, I know because I attend this church called C3, and heard my Pastor.

This past Mother's Day felt like the Twighlight Zone.
I sat there listening to the message; not knowing what to expect ... we have church in the theater, but it's not like there's theatrical trailers, ya know.
Ya never know what to expect ... well, that's not all together true.
Ya know the theme, but ya just don't know excatly what the topic of conversation is going to be.

I didn't like this one.
Probably because it hit a nerve that I don't like to expose or even acknowledge at times.
I know it's there, but I don't like knowing it's there.

The nerve is a fear .. a fear of failure.
You name the failure and I'm afraid of it.

I'm a mother, a sister, a daughter, a student, a teacher, a friend.
I'm a wife, an employee, a mentor, a fellow collegue, a future counselor.
I am afriad to fail at each of these.
To the point of tears; literally, I cry at the mere thought of it.

SO, Mother's Day began well greeting people at the door, praying for new comers, and then praising and worshiping God, followed by listening to the Preacherman preach it.

To my surprise, you guessed it, he spoke about failure.
Thanks. Of couse, if I had known he was going to torture me with that lesson, I would have found a reason not to sit in on the shpeel; I would have stayed greeting people, or mingling with people waiting for the next service.

So's he starts talkin about this guy Peter in the Bible, who's a real ass ya know.
No kidding.
He's enjoys the taste of "sole" and I don't mean fish.

He's impulsive at times, he's irrational, arrogant, pompous, a showboat.
He reminds me of me when I'm not careful.
But the most times he reminds me of me is when he is scared he won't measure up; he rests on his own abilities and hopes Jesus is who is said he is ... or else he's in real trouble.

Like when he said he's never betray Jesus, or when he cut the ear off the soldier who came to arrest Jesus, or when he walked on water and began to sink, or like when he Jesus took them to a special place to see Moses and Elijah he wanted to build a tent; even the Bible tells us "He did not know what he was saying" ...
I gotta be honest, I'm like that in a lot of ways.
I get so excited and self-reliant, I forget who I am and what to say; impulsive; reckless.

My Pastor spoke more specifically about Peter the day he wanted to walk out to Jesus on the water. Ya know Jesus would never tell us "Yeah, go ahead." if he knew we would fail, would he?

Most of you, including myself, would say "Of course not. Jesus wouldn't do that to us. He loves us." I agree. But.

But, how many times have you felt as though Jesus has called you to do something and you fail?
Many times, I betcha. And what do you tell yourself ... "It must not have been a calling." or "I was decieved." But.

But, were you deceived?
Or was it a calling meant for you to fail ... in order to teach you about failure?

Ah Ha!
With the Lords help, my Pastor and many tears (some sustained, obtained and refrained) on Sunday ... I came to the realization that maybe failure is just what Dr. Jesus ordered.

Jesus knew what would happen; I think he knew Peter would begin to fear, take his eyes off from Him and sink. I also think that Jesus knew Peter lost faith in himself.
In himself ... not Jesus; in himself as a believer, as a Christ follower.

The Bible tells us that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.
And it also says that all things are possible with Christ.

So, if that's true; and if God never lies.
Then ... then ...
Why is it that we fail ... and some of us fail in our calling, in all things we do, in everything that is attempted for good. Hmmm. Could it be ... hear me now ... could it be that we fail in order to learn to trust ourselves through Christ. Hear me... we are a new creation ... we have died to self ... the spirit of Christ lives within us ... we are the temple of God ...

Therefore, when we attempt to do something we believe to be a calling or we are doing something God has already called us to be (you are a daughter, father, mother - can't change that, sorry) .. ok and then you fail at it ... so ... what's that say?

Does that mean you should quit? You are a failure?
No, it simply means you failed.

Peter sank.
The big deal is that he lost faith in who he was.
He also lost sight of Jesus; but I think more importantly, knowing Peter, he lost faith in himself.
I think he spent a lot of times grooming and trying to be the best he could be.
I think the fear of not meeting Jesus' expectations and the expectations of others weighed heavily upon his shoulders. I know it weighs heavy on me ... and get this ... I'm the one who puts the weight there ... no one else. I think Peter was the same way.

Ya know Jesus knew this and wanted to send a message of faith and inspiration to Peter: In Luke Jesus is having a conversation with Satan ... obviously no one else is aware of it, but Jesus says in chapter 22 that Satan is asking to sift us like wheat. (meaning - kick our butts).
But Jesus says "I have prayed for you (Peter) that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back strengthen your brethren."

Jesus knew he knew knew knew knew knew, Peter was going to turn his back on Jesus, he knew he was going to fail and make a multitude of mistakes ... but he says, "when you have turned back ... strengthen your brethren".

Jesus knows I'm gonna fail. He knows I am terrified of it. ... scared to tears ...
I don't even like to talk about it ... scared.

But when I do fail ... don't lose my faith.
That is faith in myself for who I am in Christ Jesus.
The sweetest name in Earth.

And when (not IF) but when I fail, come back and offer strength to my fellow brothers and sisters whom God loves. Give them strength ...
Why? Cause I know what the feeling of failure looks like, tastes like, feels like, smells like and sounds like.

I will fail. I will cry. I will panic. I will sink. I will cry. I will fear. I will fail.
But.

But...
When I do, I will not lose faith in who God has created me to be. I will not lose faith in who God is and what he expects me to do. I will, as Rascal Flatts puts it, pick myself up off the floor and try it again; offering strength to others around me enduring the same fear.

I have never been more uncomfortable in Church as I remember being Sunday ... due to the message, of course, not the circumstances; I am not ok with it.
But that's ok.

Why? Because ... here's what I have to keep telling myself, so as not to lose faith ..
God is not concerned about my failures ... He is concerned about the reponse to my failures.
Will I cower ... will I run ... will I try again ... will I lose faith ... will I quit ... will I yell ... will I pout ... will I scream ... will I curse ... will I pick myself up off the ground, turn around and become stronger as a result of the failure; and therefor be a better witness and provider for those who have failed ... will I become a person of better influence as a result of my failure?

Only God knows.
But...
But, I pray I will be a person of great influence after significant failure.

Isolation ...

Things will never be done fast enough.
That's why we have a McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Jack-n-the-box, Crystals, Steak 'n Shake, Checkers, KFC, Pizza Hut, Panda Express, Taco Hell, Long John Silvers and Sonics all within a five mile radius of one another some where near you.

We have to have it right now.
Hence the cell phones and lap tops.

We are all striving for something better, but we end up sacrificing in the end.

Sacrificing time with our loved ones, time with ourselves, time with our friends, time with our God....

Is it worth it?
You go to McD's to save time... time for what?
To run to your next appointment???

You have a cell phone so you don't miss anything; so you save time.
Now, you're always on it, either texting or talking ... who are you making time for.

I have seen 6 year olds with cell phones.
What on earth for?
Please, someone tell me?
Seriously.
And please, please don't tell me "in case of an emergency".

When our kitchen caught on fire when I was 9 years old, I didn't stop and say, "oh, I wish my mom were here to help me". No, I ran to the neighbors house to call 911. Cause, that's what I was taught in school... and guess what ... that's what they still teach in school.

Ok, I'll get down off the soap box.

I think we are teaching our children and others around us this:

"I don't need anybody.
Unless, of course, it's an emergency.
Then I need you."

Not a good lesson.
God created us in his image.
He wasn't alone when he started and he isn't alone now.
Why would he create man and woman and then establish a population of people who are slowly isolating themselves from everyone?

God wouldn't do that. Ya know why?
Cause that would make God a liar.

God said in Genesis (the first book of the Bible) it is not good for man to be alone.
I don't think he was just throwing it out there, ya know.
I think he meant it.
It is the only time during creation that God said, "Oops. Not good. Back up here, I think we have a problem."
And everybody said, "Uh, oh, Like really? Like where and stuff?"
And God said, "Like look at Adam."
And the others said, "Like yeah, I'm looking."
And God said, "Like, I don't see any other creature that could ya know like, understand him and like could totally be a good companion and all. Like, I'd like to be there with him every minute of the day and stuff, but like, I think he needs someone, like suitable and stuff."
And the others said, "Oh, oh oh ... Oh, I see, now."

And so God made a suitable mate, woman.
And everybody cheered! Especially Adam.

Ok, I made a funny out of it and all, but seriously.
God took the time to make someone for Adam.
Someone to match him; someone for him and vice versa.

So, if God didn't intend on us isolating ourselves from others, then I wonder who could have come up with the idea.....

Yeah, Satan. The Devil. The guy in the red suit with horns and a pitch fork.
Well, maybe not the ladder, but you get the idea.

Satan wants nothing more than to sabatage every attempt God has made for us to build friendships and genuine relationships with others.

Please, don't let Satan get what he wants.
Please, take the time out to put the stinkin phone away... or put it on silent.
I don't think the ceiling will collapse on you if you put the remote down or put the phone away.
And I seriously doubt that the Earth will fold in on itself if your child doesn't have a cell phone.

Have a meal with your family.
It involves something called cooking.
It's this thing you do with food and pots and pans and a magical device called a STOVE.

Just try it on for size.
Try it one time this week.
Plan it and make a date out of it.

No tv, no cell phone, no computer, no fast food.
Use the stove, real food from a supermarket, cook together and spend time sitting at the dining room table together, talk to one another about goals, dreams, life, each others' day, aspriations, inspirations, etc.

Try it one time in the next month.
Maybe for two hours .. maybe longer, maybe shorter depending on what you cook.
I bet you will see some wonderful changes; in yourself and those around you.
It won't take long.



Disclaimer: I am just thinking out loud here and am not repsonsible for any actions you take as a result of reading this on-line journal. It is an on-line journal not an advice column.

Approachable

Have you ever had a neighborhood dog? He's fenced in and you feel safe; you walk toward the house and from out of no where, the dog starts coming at you, full speed ahead and barking up a storm.
Your praying the fence will hold and that it won't jump over the fence and attack you.
... and then you check your pants?

I have a neighborhood dog like that. His name's Buddy.
We've already been introduced.
Once he gets to the fence, he realizes it's me.
If I want to play with him, all I have to do is say, "Where's that kitty-cat?"
And guess what?
He's found a way out of the fence and charges into our yarrd, searching for my cat.
Poor Trouble, if she only knew.

He's fun to play with.
And I am hoping the day my neighbors give him up, we'll be considered for adoption.

Now that's just a funny tail (pun intended) of me and my neighborhood companion.
But what if, in your case, it's not so safe?
What if in your case, it isn't a dog you're concerned about charging at you?
What if it's a neighbor or a friend?
What if it's a relative, spouse, or in-law?
Yikes.
Now what do you do?

If you run, the dog will chase you.
If you run from your attacker, the same might happen.
You may only empower them and give them a greater advantage.

It's only natural to fear what man will do to you.
However, upon a recent experience and some wisdom imparted to me by a friend, fear of man is absurd. The Bible says, "The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but those who trust in the Lord will be kept safe." Proverbs 29:25
It also says this, "In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies." Psalms 188:5-7

I keep these scriptures on my wall above my computer, where I've been spending a lot of my time lately. Thank you Dr. Shyers and Dr. Wilcox. Thanks.
No really, thanks.

So, what's the big deal about approaching someone?
The big deal is many big deals, actually.
What if they have hurt you in the past?
What if they have shown themselves to be untrustworthy?
What if they are double-minded?
What if they are .... blah blah.

That's a lot to consider. I can empathize with those concerns.
But what happened to trust in the Lord?
Well, I think fear can overwhelm us at times.
In our fear, biologically, we either run or freeze.

Approaching people who have harmed us is something we, as Christians have been called to do. It is expected of us. In Matthew, I believe, chapter 13, Jesus tells us that if we are about to bring our supplications to God and we suddenly remember that someone has offended us, we are to go, run don't walk, go to that person and present your concerns.
If that person refuses to listen to you, you then go, to another person who can mediate the situation. A mediator is one who will not take sides, they just listen to both sides and prevent any brawls or cat fights. If the person refuses to listen to your concerns at that point, Jesus tells us to treat them as a pagen, an unbeliever, a non-Christian.

I don't know about you, but I don't like those situations.
I mean, come on! Can't there be an easier way?
Can't we all just get along here?
Um, no.

There is no easy way to deal with people who have caused you problems, or made your life uncomfortable. But if you don't do it, it will consume you and quite possibly will hinder your own personal prayers and supplications you bring to the Lord. No joke.

Present your issue to the Lord.
He knows what you are dealing with.
He knows what this other person has done to you.
He is waiting for you to do something about it.
He knows it won't be easy; confrontations never are.
You may lose that person as a friend; if they were one to begin with.
You may hurt or cause the other person to hurt; hurt is ok.
It is healthy to have pain. Healthy pain.
Pain can cause us to make better choices next time.
The pain you may cause this person in an effort to bring your concerns may, in fact help them to make better choices next time; with someone else.
And if you don't do it, you are doing a disservice to that person, to the Lord and to yourself.

Aim high. You can always take someone with you if you don't feel comfortable, the Lord said you can. Just don't take someone who you know will take sides.

Trust God. He loves both of you.
He wants what's best for both of you.

So, what are you waiting for?
Trust God has your best interests at heart.
Ya never know, maybe one day you can stand in front of that dog and say "Where's that Kitty cat?" and make a new friend; an even better friend than you once thought. And maybe not.
What's meant to be, will be.


Disclaimer: I am just thinking out loud here and am not repsonsible for any actions you take as a result of reading this on-line journal. It is an on-line journal not an advice column.

La la la la

It's funny, I really can't think of anything inspirational to write about today.
I went to breakfast at Morning Glories with a group of totally terrific women!
The food is like so good there.
And now I have a new Bff named Haden. He's adorable.
His mom and his aunt are like totally cool friends.

Anyway.
I'm like totally stuffed and ready for a nap.
My little girl is sick today and totally burning up.
She says she's fine.
I love her, she could be dying and she's say she's fine.

So she's resting and my son and I are watching Scooby Doo and Tom & Jerry (my bff's) on Cartoon Network.
Although, I'm supposed to be reading and working on Ethics shh!... and trying to write a paper.
It's a good thing I'm a multi-multi tasker.

It does occur to me that sometimes, as women, we have a tendancy to be very judgemental and superficial. I see it in myself and it makes me wanna barf.
At this breakfast, I was pleasantly surprised to be surrounded by grace and love and acceptance for who I was. I laughed and really enjoyed the fellowship.

Part of me is sad; however, because I know so many women who try too hard.
Seriously. It's like they are desperate to be friends with someone that they nearly go out of their way to prove it. I think if you just be yourself, people will automatically want to be your friends because you are being sincere and genuine.

Sadly, I've seen just the opposite as of late; and in my past.
And not just with others, but with me. I think that's how I am able to notice it so much (because it's something I used to do all the time). I would go out of my way to please, make someone happy, do things their way, do things for them; all in an effort for them to notice me and gain their friendship.

The sad part about it all is this: they would be friendly with me and appreciate all I did for them, but they never became my friend. My motives were not pure, they were of a selfish manner and genuin friendship was to no avail. God will not bless impure motives. He examines our hearts and wants to see purity and genuine love for others, not self seeking motives.

I hope that what others see in me is taken for what it is; genuine.
My personality is wound up with helping others; my strengths are wound up in helping others.
If I am not doing that, then I am wasting and frankly abusing the talents God has given me.
I would be burrying them; what a waste. I would also not be someone God created me to be.

My prayer is that you would use the talents and gifts God has given you and stop wishing you could be like others; stop being jealous of what others have, jealous of what others can do, jealous of how others can do what they do. Do yourself and others a favor and stop being someone else; just be yourself.

Please and love God and in that you will please and love others. It's natural. It's what God intented; he didn't intend you to perform, he intended you to be who you are; not who others think you should be or who you think you should be. Be who God created you to be and others will see God in you and love you for you ... and want to know more about you.

Be true to who God intended you to be.

Moving on ...

So like today, my Pastor talked about One Prayer; which you need to check out.
So anyway, I love the stories he tells.
This one I had been fortunate enough to hear it before, and it gets better each time I hear it.

My pastor is an evangelist by nature. He's good at it.
He was involved in a group effort (more than 200 people, I think) trying to bring people into the Kingdom on Heaven. I know that phrase sounds so corny, but it's basically talking to individuals about beginning a relationship with Jesus.

However, every group my pastor was in returned with absolutely zero stories about people beginning a relationship with Jesus. Three seperate occasions and nothing. How annoying, fristrating and disheartening. I'd be a little miffed myself; or maybe think about a career change.

Anyway, my pastor went on to say that he went to bed and his wife, Angie stayed awake to pray for him. The next day she told him what God had laid on her heart to share with him about why his efforts were showing no fruit.

Angie shared with him that although Byron had a passion for bringing people into a relationship with Jesus, he did not love them. He was good at evangalizing people; not good at seeing them as people who just needed to be shown a little love.
and thank God she shared that with him, because it burned a desire in him to grow a hear to love others and eventually to begin and church which does just that! C3 baby! Check it out!

Wow.

Ya know, God sent Jesus, his only son, to this world because he loved us and wants to have a relationship with us. Jesus died a painful death, God, the father watched; allowed it to happen; allowed others to mock and spit and kill his only son; that's how much he wants to be with us.

Sounds rather morbid, don't ya think; but really it is the greatest love of all. Jesus sacrificed himself and died. He volunteered.

Why don't I love that much?
Heck, I can't even stand to be in the same room with some people because of the past injuries I have endured. Yet, I say I love them.

Yeah right. How is that communicating love?
It isn't.
It's commnicating a contingency plan.
If they do things my way, I will love them.
That's also called BS.

I can't say I love someone if I can't even stand to be near them.
It's a matter of handing it over to God, trusting him fisrt.
After all, did he not have his son die in order to reconcile a broken relationship.
Yes, he did.
So, why would he not want to reconcile my relationships?
I don't have an answer for that.
All I can say is that it is something I have to trust God about.
Sometimes I want it to fix it right away and I am not patient enough.
Sometimes, when I takes to long, I take the initiative; and other times, when he doesn't answer me, I just continue with the same behavior. And still again I sometimes don't want an answer, because I am afraid of what that answere might be.

Love is a choice; it is not a feeling, it is not an emotion.
It is an active choice.

Love (I Corinthians 13)
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Get De-bugged ... or An Enema ... Something!

Some people need to get the bugs out of their - - - !
Unbelieveable.

Either that or get an enema! A huge one ... or a colin cleanse ....
Something!

It astonishes me, in the Christian community how incredibly anal, uptight and witchy some people are. Women in particular. No wonder I have more male friends!
I mean, chillax, take it easy ... you're gonna pass out if you don't do something!
See a shrink! I know of a few good ones.

It's like this, you don't hear what they say. You ask them to repeat it and they give you a piss off look. Heellllloooooo?!

Or, or ... you are having a conversation with someone and they invite themselves in on it and then get miffed when you change the subject and don't tell them what you were talking about ... It's like this ... It's an A-B conversation, kindly C yourself out of it.
What ever happened to MANNERS!

Hello!?
If something is private, it's private ... I nor the person speaking with me have to share the details with you. Cry a river. Build a bridge... and get over it!

Act your age ... not your shoe size, which for most of you it's like a 7, 9 maybe even a 5 or 6!
Grow up! And some of you ladies, are leaders! You should know better than to be so stinkin' rude. Especially to the people you call F-r-i-e-n-d!

Which reminds me, again, I don't have to be your friend. I will be nice and friendly and cordial to you, but I don't have to be your friend. You have the same luxury; it's called free will!
Choices; BOUDARIES!
Make some of your own!
And even if you don't call me friend, fine. But, be nice. Just because you don't want to be my friend doesn't mean you suddenly gain the right to be disrepectful.

I know, I'm venting.
You're probably like, ... wHoA, Jess, calm down. It's ok.
But ya know what, it's not!
I'm sick of up-itty people who think they are entitled to involve themselves in something that is none of their bees-wax! And then, and then, get mad at me for it.
Dude, I don't owe you an apology.
I, personally feel guilty for getting involved with other people's conversations, whether they invite me in or not. I tend to leave the conversation thinking, I should have just minded my own; and then I do just that.
Have you ever heard the phrase "Mindya!" It's short for "mind ya own business".

Or, or, they don't give room for anyone else to make mistakes, misunderstand, or be misunderstood; BUT, now get this - when they are misunderstood, not clear, make a mistake or something and you call them on it; Oh, my .... watch out... who let the dogs out, yo! Or should I say, who pulled the cat's tail!
The daggers in their eyes.
Man, I'd be dead like TEN times over already!

Then, you get an apology.
And they say their working on it ... to please continue to pray for them (gotta love that part), and continue calling them on it!
Uh, let me think about that last one ... uh .. uh .. no thanks, once bitten, twice shy babe! Sorry. Been there done that!
That's why I have what's called boundaries!

I'm like, gonna still pray for you and all, but please ..
For the love of all things good and great take the bug out-cher butt!!

And I'm not saying that I'm perfect or that others may think the same of me at times, but I have seen these individual constantly behave in this manner. Which is something I am getting pretty tired of witnessing.

And btw, when you are called on something; do the right thing.
Take responsibility for it, apologize and then FIX IT!
Don't just give lip service to the one you just verbally assulted, killed with your glance or shot down with your "under your breath smack talk".

I'm sure I'm not the only one getting annoyed by it.
And I can tell you this - You are choosing your friends by your actions whether you like it or not.

And another thing! I'm no here on this planet to win a popularity contest.
I am here to serve others. That includes you, by the by!
I'm still serving you even though you can be real tight wad, up-itty person.

Do some de-bugging, ok.
That's all.

Thanks for letting me vent.
I do love you. I care deeply for you.
But just at a safe distance for now.
A real safe distance.
For now. It's up to you.