Man, I had this dream last night where this reformed drug dealer became a pastor; began a church for drug dealers and the like and was coming to me for counseling.
I think I watch The Sopranos too much ...
Or maybe the Psychopathology class I took last night has gotten to me already.
So this pastor is coming to me for counseling.
He's wanting to have this Christmas something or other at his church, but he doesn't know how to put it on. (It's a dream, so I can't remember the specifics)
So we are standing outside his church by a tree.
He's telling me how he wants to leave the ministry.
But the place is packed with drug dealers, hookers, homeless, and the like.
As we're talking this guy comes over to us and starts thanking him for all the work he has done in the church and if it wasn't for him, he would be dead.
I woke up. Sorry.
And I know I could have gone back to sleep and finish the dream, but I have never been able to do that; I have tried, but I just can't do it.
I'm not much of a dream interpretor, but if I had to guess, I'd say my brain put together a very interesting scenerio. Very interesting.
Almost everything in the dream is something I have thought about.
I've thought about renting a bus and driving down OBT to pick up people for church service.
I know it sounds silly, but everytime I drive past the Parlement House, or anywhere down OBT past Rio Grande, I just can't help but want to do something ... I just don't know exaclty what yet... or how for that matter.
There's this place on OBT towards Apopka, where you can rent buses. It's just past this statue place. ... But how I would actually get them on the bus and to C3 is another story.
It's a dream ... it's far off in the distance, but it's there.
How it began....
I've never told anyone this. So here it is. My secret dream.
(not a secret anymore, I guess)
One time, I remember this girl who came to my man's shop.
She was really a he, but I didn't care.
Her name was Starling. My heart broke for her.
She was crying and wanted to go home; which was somewhere about an hour away.
She asked me if she could use my phone to call someone ... and told them that she wanted to come home ... and asked me at the same time if I would take her ... I said yes.
But then, I was getting alittle skeptical and asked if I could talk to her friend.
I didn't want to be a missing person report on the local news, if you know what I mean.
Her friend said he was a great guy and wouldn't hurt a fly.
I asked if she would be there to pick him up when I brought him home, she said yes.
When I started to drive Starling home, she wanted to stop at the hotel to pick up her stuff.
She got out ... talked to the manager ... came back to my car ... cried some more ... and in that moment changed her mind. She thanked me. And I asked her if she was sure she wanted to stay.
She said no and left.
I never saw her again.
I cried deeply after I drove away.
Contemplating whether or not to go back.
And every time I pass this hotel, I pray for her.
I pray to one day see her again.
I pray for others like her.
I pray for a way to help them.... to see them.
How do you convince someone you barely know to go home, make amends?
How do you convince yourself and this stranger that the person on the receiving end (in this case, her mother) will accept them back with open arms?
I don't know these answers, but I do know living like Jesus and showing them that we accept them as they are is a start. At least this stranger knew someone loved her for who she was in that moment.
While in my car she cried, laughed, swore, cried some more.
Her story is so similar to all of us.
She was abused, unloved and hurt by those closest to her.
She was unaccepted for who she was.
Her mother abandonded her at her greatest moment of need.
Her pain was great.
Her pain was real.
Her pain was deep.
Her pain was the same as any one's pain.
The pain of rejection, unacceptance; it's the same for all of us.
No matter who you are; gay, lesbian, straight, bi, homophobe, skeptic, critic, homeless, vegabond, transvestite, pastor, teacher, student, black, yellow, red or white
... mother father sister brother friend ...
The pain is the same.
The pain is the same.
So, some day, God knows, maybe ministering to the vegabonds of OBT is where I'll be.
My counseling office ... a big yellow bus.
My boss ... Christ.
My pay ... treasures in heaven.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
God's Timing ...
Just right ... sometimes I feel like God doesn't care, then I feel like he is stalking me (in a good, weird kind-a way), then I feel like he's my best friend ...
My Pastor has just started this sermon series about Fear called Phobia. Now everybody knows my fear of failure ... since I like things just so and stuff ... maybe even a bit perfect ... in myself anyway ...
I digress. So, this morning, my devotion from Boyd Baileywas about ...
Fear. So I thought ... what better place to post it than here.
Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today- April 29, 2008
Overcome By Fear…
“Then all the people of the region of the Gerasenes asked Jesus to leave them, because they were overcome with fear. So he got into the boat and left.” Luke 8:37
Fear drives out faith and overwhelming fear withdraws its invitation to Jesus. Indeed, Jesus is a gentleman, so He does not tarry where He is not trusted. He will not remain where He is not wanted, and He does not negotiate to be needed. Indeed, faith in your heavenly Father reaches exhaustion in the face of overwhelming fear.
This is especially true when your chronic fear relates to money. Money, more than anything, can make you myopic to faith in God. You get so consumed in the crisis of current affairs that you forget your anchor in Almighty God. Money, or the lack of it, may be what’s killing you. However, money is a symptom to something else below the surface of your fears. Money is not the answer. However, Jesus is the dependable security you desire.
Do not dismiss prayer and patience, just because you feel out of control. Indeed, it is when the bottom falls out that faith in the Lord needs to be your mainstay. “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). This is when you need Him the most, so be wise and ask Jesus, the gentleman, to remain with you when ‘all hell breaks loose’. Satan loves to see you alone. He wants you to battle Him in your own strength. He wins when Jesus is run off and fear drives you into irrational actions.
Fear keeps you under the curse of always looking over your shoulder in doubt, so rise up from under the load of your languishing condition and come to Christ. Look to Christ for perspective and patience. Don’t panic. Ostracize your overwhelming fear by faith. Place it on the stubborn shelf of self-denial and surrender to your Savior. Do not run Him off, for He will only stay where He is wanted. Go deeper with Jesus during desperate days. He is a gentleman waiting for your invitation to stay and not go away. When fear attacks, be overcome by Christ’s confidence and warm embrace. Say with David, “The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear?” (Psalm 27: 1).
Furthermore, be real with those around you. Some of them have gone before you; learn from them. Trust them as a resource for fear is flattened by the faith of friends. Trust them and Him. Fear flees in the face of faithfulness, so escort out the fear of failure. Above all else, be overcome by faith’s reassurance and not fear of financial loss!
Have a great day fellow readers.
My Pastor has just started this sermon series about Fear called Phobia. Now everybody knows my fear of failure ... since I like things just so and stuff ... maybe even a bit perfect ... in myself anyway ...
I digress. So, this morning, my devotion from Boyd Baileywas about ...
Fear. So I thought ... what better place to post it than here.
Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today- April 29, 2008
Overcome By Fear…
“Then all the people of the region of the Gerasenes asked Jesus to leave them, because they were overcome with fear. So he got into the boat and left.” Luke 8:37
Fear drives out faith and overwhelming fear withdraws its invitation to Jesus. Indeed, Jesus is a gentleman, so He does not tarry where He is not trusted. He will not remain where He is not wanted, and He does not negotiate to be needed. Indeed, faith in your heavenly Father reaches exhaustion in the face of overwhelming fear.
This is especially true when your chronic fear relates to money. Money, more than anything, can make you myopic to faith in God. You get so consumed in the crisis of current affairs that you forget your anchor in Almighty God. Money, or the lack of it, may be what’s killing you. However, money is a symptom to something else below the surface of your fears. Money is not the answer. However, Jesus is the dependable security you desire.
Do not dismiss prayer and patience, just because you feel out of control. Indeed, it is when the bottom falls out that faith in the Lord needs to be your mainstay. “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). This is when you need Him the most, so be wise and ask Jesus, the gentleman, to remain with you when ‘all hell breaks loose’. Satan loves to see you alone. He wants you to battle Him in your own strength. He wins when Jesus is run off and fear drives you into irrational actions.
Fear keeps you under the curse of always looking over your shoulder in doubt, so rise up from under the load of your languishing condition and come to Christ. Look to Christ for perspective and patience. Don’t panic. Ostracize your overwhelming fear by faith. Place it on the stubborn shelf of self-denial and surrender to your Savior. Do not run Him off, for He will only stay where He is wanted. Go deeper with Jesus during desperate days. He is a gentleman waiting for your invitation to stay and not go away. When fear attacks, be overcome by Christ’s confidence and warm embrace. Say with David, “The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear?” (Psalm 27: 1).
Furthermore, be real with those around you. Some of them have gone before you; learn from them. Trust them as a resource for fear is flattened by the faith of friends. Trust them and Him. Fear flees in the face of faithfulness, so escort out the fear of failure. Above all else, be overcome by faith’s reassurance and not fear of financial loss!
Have a great day fellow readers.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Have you ever ...
Have you ever ....
thought you were living someone elses life?
woke up from a dream and thought it was real?
fell out of bed and stayed there?
had a better night's sleep on the couch?
felt guilty for no apparent reason? (all you pms-ing and end of cycle people excluded)
thought God was playing tricks on you .. like the movie Game?
had an itch you couldn't scratch ... like in your bones?
had a headache in your cheek?
thought pimples were for teens only?
wanted to run away? ... (teenagers excluded ... sorry)
laughed for no reason at all and have people look at you funny?
been in an elevator and gotten off on the wrong floor?
mailed a letter with those cancer awareness stickers instead of a stamp?
send a check to the wrong place and mailed it ... ?
gotten a phone call from the loan offices wondering where your payment is?
made farting noises in church?
Ok good. Cause like, I was just wondering if ...
..... I was just wondering if I was the only one.
Although, I haven't made farting noises in church .... yet .....
thought you were living someone elses life?
woke up from a dream and thought it was real?
fell out of bed and stayed there?
had a better night's sleep on the couch?
felt guilty for no apparent reason? (all you pms-ing and end of cycle people excluded)
thought God was playing tricks on you .. like the movie Game?
had an itch you couldn't scratch ... like in your bones?
had a headache in your cheek?
thought pimples were for teens only?
wanted to run away? ... (teenagers excluded ... sorry)
laughed for no reason at all and have people look at you funny?
been in an elevator and gotten off on the wrong floor?
mailed a letter with those cancer awareness stickers instead of a stamp?
send a check to the wrong place and mailed it ... ?
gotten a phone call from the loan offices wondering where your payment is?
made farting noises in church?
Ok good. Cause like, I was just wondering if ...
..... I was just wondering if I was the only one.
Although, I haven't made farting noises in church .... yet .....
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I Don't Normally ....
You have got to see this.
I have been trying to down load the video and this darn thing is giving me a hard time.
So, go to You tube and type in WWE Hillary vs Barack and watch the video.
I'm seriously considering moving to wordpress ...
I have been trying to down load the video and this darn thing is giving me a hard time.
So, go to You tube and type in WWE Hillary vs Barack and watch the video.
I'm seriously considering moving to wordpress ...
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
King Solomon Part I
So like I'm trying to write this paper on King Solomon as it relates to the stages of human development... and like wow. His life is full of developmental stages.
Songs of Songs. Ya know, I have still yet to read the book and fully understand the mushiness of it all. How in love he was. How incredibly patient.
Proverbs, well that's a book of knowledge in and of itself. It can be quite overwhelming if you sit and read it all at once. I bought the book The Richest Man Who Ever Lived and it has helped me digest the proverbs.
Ecclesiastes. Can I just say it is a bummer of a book. Great wisdom, but rather depressing at times. This is when Solomon has to take a hard look at his life apart of God ... despair. He realizes there is no good without God.
All the women, all the wealth, all the knowledge ... but without God, it is meaningless. Life is meaningless. His life reminds me of some wealthy people. They chase after wealth only to end up in despair ... and wish they were dead. How sad.
Thank God Solomon realized it before it was too late. ... or was it? That I'll have to write more about later.
Have a great Tuesday! TTFN
Songs of Songs. Ya know, I have still yet to read the book and fully understand the mushiness of it all. How in love he was. How incredibly patient.
Proverbs, well that's a book of knowledge in and of itself. It can be quite overwhelming if you sit and read it all at once. I bought the book The Richest Man Who Ever Lived and it has helped me digest the proverbs.
Ecclesiastes. Can I just say it is a bummer of a book. Great wisdom, but rather depressing at times. This is when Solomon has to take a hard look at his life apart of God ... despair. He realizes there is no good without God.
All the women, all the wealth, all the knowledge ... but without God, it is meaningless. Life is meaningless. His life reminds me of some wealthy people. They chase after wealth only to end up in despair ... and wish they were dead. How sad.
Thank God Solomon realized it before it was too late. ... or was it? That I'll have to write more about later.
Have a great Tuesday! TTFN
Monday, April 21, 2008
I Finally Wrote ...
Sorry, I know it's been a few days since I last wrote.
I was working on a few projects that are due this week for my classes.
I am usually not a last minute person, but my son had rehearsal every day this past week for his production of the Aristocats, which was amazing by the way, so I was busy driving back and forth and back and forth ... and back and forth ....
and back and forth.
Ok, I'll stop now.
Well, my son did a fabulous job as a country dog in the Aristocats. I don't have the pics downloaded onto the computer as of yet, but as soon as I do, I will display them proudly.
It is so great to work so hard for something and then finally see the results of it.
My son says that he likes to be in the play, but there is one thing he doesn't like ... He can't see it at the same time. Ha ha. He makes me laugh sometimes with the things he says.
But really, he's right. We spent time working hard at something that other people watch and lavish in, but we can't see it.
It's kind a like that with God.
He sees the big picture.
We are a small part in it and we won't be able to see the big picture until it is over.
I agree with my son in that I like being a part of it all, but I think sometimes, I'd much rather see it all played out than be a part of it; or both.
C3 was great this past Sunday!
My Pastor is really funny.
He finished up a sermon series called Big & Rich.
And with that opened an invitation to a financial class.
This class is on a Saturday for about two hours.
You can go to the church web site and check it out!
This week is going to be great!
I hope yours started out well today.
Keep in mind that all the Mondays you hate from now until the day you die can add up to years of hating your life. So, don't be a hater!
God made each day a blessing to behold somewhere in there ... just look for it ... I promise you'll find it!
I was working on a few projects that are due this week for my classes.
I am usually not a last minute person, but my son had rehearsal every day this past week for his production of the Aristocats, which was amazing by the way, so I was busy driving back and forth and back and forth ... and back and forth ....
and back and forth.
Ok, I'll stop now.
Well, my son did a fabulous job as a country dog in the Aristocats. I don't have the pics downloaded onto the computer as of yet, but as soon as I do, I will display them proudly.
It is so great to work so hard for something and then finally see the results of it.
My son says that he likes to be in the play, but there is one thing he doesn't like ... He can't see it at the same time. Ha ha. He makes me laugh sometimes with the things he says.
But really, he's right. We spent time working hard at something that other people watch and lavish in, but we can't see it.
It's kind a like that with God.
He sees the big picture.
We are a small part in it and we won't be able to see the big picture until it is over.
I agree with my son in that I like being a part of it all, but I think sometimes, I'd much rather see it all played out than be a part of it; or both.
C3 was great this past Sunday!
My Pastor is really funny.
He finished up a sermon series called Big & Rich.
And with that opened an invitation to a financial class.
This class is on a Saturday for about two hours.
You can go to the church web site and check it out!
This week is going to be great!
I hope yours started out well today.
Keep in mind that all the Mondays you hate from now until the day you die can add up to years of hating your life. So, don't be a hater!
God made each day a blessing to behold somewhere in there ... just look for it ... I promise you'll find it!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Everyone Wants to Be a Cat!
You absolutely must come to Metro Church in Winter Springs today at 2pm to watch my son as a country dog in the production of The Aristocats.
It is so cute and funny and adorable.
The kids in Circle Christian School's drama productions never cease to surprise me.
The cast is, get this now... the cast is made up of Kindergarten through fifth grade students.
.... and two sixth graders.
Can you believe that?
The cost is 10 dollars but it is so worth it!
The cost is 10 dollars but it is so worth it!
Metro Church
1491 E State Road 434
Winter Springs, 32708
Metro Church is located off 417, exit number 44 (434) - the exit right after Red Bug Lake road where Target and the Master's Academy is located.
Turn left onto 434, turn left at the second traffic light where the Hess gas station is.
The church is your first left in a plaza ... chinese food, a pet grooming place, a laundry mat
Be there or be square.
The play begins at 2 o'clock and will be over no later than 3 o'clock.
You'll love it ...
Friday, April 18, 2008
People Watching
Have you ever taken the time to just watch people?
Not in a creepy, stalking sort of way ... gross.
But just watch them?
It's interesting.
I've been listening to this book by John Maxwell called the 360 degree leader.
I have been watching lately and some things I see are scary, others are cool, interesting and yet some are painful.
Most of us would think that a leader is confidant, doesn't admit their weakeness, are on the top, in the know, and so on. Did you know that there are many good leaders, great leaders in fact, that admit their faults, ask others to identify their weaknesses, aren't afraid of their weaknesses, and aren't afraid of others pointing them out? Did you know they welcome change, new ideas and are not upset when their ideas aren't talked about? Why? Well, because it's not the leader who wins, it's the best idea who wins. If the idea is great, then the whole team will be great; including the leader.
Did you know that good leaders are humble not prideful? They are willing to take the back seat to others; give the glory to others. They are willing to make sacrifices for the greater good of the team. Did you know that good leaders listen? Yes, they listen. They will actually take into account what others say to them; whether it's for improvement of themselves or others or the team. Did you know that good leaders will seek counsel from others often in order to make improvements?
Some people I have been watching lately would make terrific leaders one day and I would count it an honor to be led by them. Others, well. Let's just say, "Hail Hitler" comes to mind. Not exactly leader material; at least not a good leader.
I have had to ask myself some tough questions lately.
Do I listen?
Really listen ... not do the dishes at the same time, watch tv, or type; not read something and say yeah ... yeah ... yeah ... while they talk; not find something on the internet and have an eyebrow raised while they talk.
I've always taught my kids "Looking is listening", yet, do I do that?
Do I care about the person speaking to me?
Do I have something against them?
Do I respect them?
Do they respect me?
Have I gained influence?
Have I lost it? How? Can I gain it back? How?
Am I harboring ill feelings toward them?
What are my weaknesses?
What are my stengths?
Am I working in my stengths or my weaknesses?
What is the big picture?
Can I see it? Can they?
Am I being narrow minded?
Am I being prideful or humble?
What does my body langauge say?
If my eyes (or eyebrows for that matter) could talk, what would they say? ....
Lots of questions to keep in mind ... as I watch and learn.
Have a great day ... and lead on.
Not in a creepy, stalking sort of way ... gross.
But just watch them?
It's interesting.
I've been listening to this book by John Maxwell called the 360 degree leader.
I have been watching lately and some things I see are scary, others are cool, interesting and yet some are painful.
Most of us would think that a leader is confidant, doesn't admit their weakeness, are on the top, in the know, and so on. Did you know that there are many good leaders, great leaders in fact, that admit their faults, ask others to identify their weaknesses, aren't afraid of their weaknesses, and aren't afraid of others pointing them out? Did you know they welcome change, new ideas and are not upset when their ideas aren't talked about? Why? Well, because it's not the leader who wins, it's the best idea who wins. If the idea is great, then the whole team will be great; including the leader.
Did you know that good leaders are humble not prideful? They are willing to take the back seat to others; give the glory to others. They are willing to make sacrifices for the greater good of the team. Did you know that good leaders listen? Yes, they listen. They will actually take into account what others say to them; whether it's for improvement of themselves or others or the team. Did you know that good leaders will seek counsel from others often in order to make improvements?
Some people I have been watching lately would make terrific leaders one day and I would count it an honor to be led by them. Others, well. Let's just say, "Hail Hitler" comes to mind. Not exactly leader material; at least not a good leader.
I have had to ask myself some tough questions lately.
Do I listen?
Really listen ... not do the dishes at the same time, watch tv, or type; not read something and say yeah ... yeah ... yeah ... while they talk; not find something on the internet and have an eyebrow raised while they talk.
I've always taught my kids "Looking is listening", yet, do I do that?
Do I care about the person speaking to me?
Do I have something against them?
Do I respect them?
Do they respect me?
Have I gained influence?
Have I lost it? How? Can I gain it back? How?
Am I harboring ill feelings toward them?
What are my weaknesses?
What are my stengths?
Am I working in my stengths or my weaknesses?
What is the big picture?
Can I see it? Can they?
Am I being narrow minded?
Am I being prideful or humble?
What does my body langauge say?
If my eyes (or eyebrows for that matter) could talk, what would they say? ....
Lots of questions to keep in mind ... as I watch and learn.
Have a great day ... and lead on.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Please Pray
I ask for your continued prayers for a young boy named Kael.
You can read more about his condition by going to Kayleigh's blog; it's her cousin.
She also has a video you can watch about the condition as the cameras shadow another family with the same condition.
God is bigger than this; he is bigger than Kael; therefore, pray that he would show up BIG in the lives of Kael and his family.
Thanks
You can read more about his condition by going to Kayleigh's blog; it's her cousin.
She also has a video you can watch about the condition as the cameras shadow another family with the same condition.
God is bigger than this; he is bigger than Kael; therefore, pray that he would show up BIG in the lives of Kael and his family.
Thanks
Monday, April 14, 2008
Mighty To Save
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
There have been times in my life where people have spread some pretty gross things about me.
It happens.
It sucks.
It hurts.
Some of the things said about me were things I didn't even know I did; things, I wasn't even there to do. Some things I was even paid for. I haven't seen this money ...
Some things I could have been in movies ... and some things said were actually scences from movies ...
It stressed me to the point of severe migraines, rashes, even shingles. Yes, shingles. It's a derivative of the chicken pox; stemming from the nervous system and triggered by the immune system; which is triggered by some forms of stress.
I was in physical and emotional pain frequently.
In hind sight, I know the Lord was calling me back to him through all this pain.
During it, I wish, now I had had the Lord by my side.
During it, I wish I had had the courage to tell those people to stuff it.
I wish I had the nerve to confront them and ask them why.
I wish I had the stamina to show them the scars and the pain.
I didn't; but it's ok.
The Lord knows what was true and what wasn't.
The Lord knows the pain I endured; even though I wasn't living the life of a believer, I still belonged to him.
Now, in hindsight, I feel sorry for those who spoke ill of me.
I pitty them and ask God to show them mercy; they didn't know any better.
Well, maybe some of them did, but we're talking about in-bred, country folk red necks here, so .... I'm really not sure .... no offense. Real Jeff Foxworthy material; if ya know what I mean.
So, why did it effect me so much?
Because it involved what I loved.
What I loved to do.
What I thought I could do for the rest of my life.
Because of that pain, I have given up those dreams.
But I have not given up on God.
I am glad I went through that pain.
It caused me to focus on the Lord and not on others.
It forced me to see him for who he was and not look for ways to pay back those who injured me.
The Lord knew what he was doing and he loved me, even though it didn't feel like it at the time.
I feel sorry for those who betrayed me with their false freindship, lies, slander and loose lip gossip. I have pitty toward them now and I ask God to show mercy on them, as he did me.
Lord God, Guard the mouths of those who spread slander and gossip about the ones whom you love. Protect the ones whom you have called to spread your truth.
You are mighty to save, Lord. Mighty to save.
There have been times in my life where people have spread some pretty gross things about me.
It happens.
It sucks.
It hurts.
Some of the things said about me were things I didn't even know I did; things, I wasn't even there to do. Some things I was even paid for. I haven't seen this money ...
Some things I could have been in movies ... and some things said were actually scences from movies ...
It stressed me to the point of severe migraines, rashes, even shingles. Yes, shingles. It's a derivative of the chicken pox; stemming from the nervous system and triggered by the immune system; which is triggered by some forms of stress.
I was in physical and emotional pain frequently.
In hind sight, I know the Lord was calling me back to him through all this pain.
During it, I wish, now I had had the Lord by my side.
During it, I wish I had had the courage to tell those people to stuff it.
I wish I had the nerve to confront them and ask them why.
I wish I had the stamina to show them the scars and the pain.
I didn't; but it's ok.
The Lord knows what was true and what wasn't.
The Lord knows the pain I endured; even though I wasn't living the life of a believer, I still belonged to him.
Now, in hindsight, I feel sorry for those who spoke ill of me.
I pitty them and ask God to show them mercy; they didn't know any better.
Well, maybe some of them did, but we're talking about in-bred, country folk red necks here, so .... I'm really not sure .... no offense. Real Jeff Foxworthy material; if ya know what I mean.
So, why did it effect me so much?
Because it involved what I loved.
What I loved to do.
What I thought I could do for the rest of my life.
Because of that pain, I have given up those dreams.
But I have not given up on God.
I am glad I went through that pain.
It caused me to focus on the Lord and not on others.
It forced me to see him for who he was and not look for ways to pay back those who injured me.
The Lord knew what he was doing and he loved me, even though it didn't feel like it at the time.
I feel sorry for those who betrayed me with their false freindship, lies, slander and loose lip gossip. I have pitty toward them now and I ask God to show mercy on them, as he did me.
Lord God, Guard the mouths of those who spread slander and gossip about the ones whom you love. Protect the ones whom you have called to spread your truth.
You are mighty to save, Lord. Mighty to save.
Friday, April 11, 2008
What I Learn From Tom & Jerry
Even your worst enemy can be your best friend.When you failed at something, keep trying.
When you get hurt scream as loud as you can ... oooh ooooooh oooooooh oo oooho oohoho ooooo
When you cut yourself, or someone cuts you, just tie it back on or tape it back together again.
When someone is sleeping... tiptoe quietly around them.
.... and take their lunch
When attempting to harm someone out of revenge ... always check behind you.
Sometimes your basic instincts are better than an instruction manual two times your size.
When developing a plan to catch something, draw a huge complecated scamata first; complete with an animated chalk person.
If you smell something burning ... check your tail.
Even the smallest of creatures can out wit the best of us.
Only you can decide who your enemies are; not society or what the norm says.
When you're hungry, eat; when you're tired, sleep.
Working together and sharing are the best ingredients for friendship.
Some people in our lives will be big, mean bulldogs; but don't worry, they'll make a jackass out of themselves soon enough.
Don't ask someone to do something for you that you can do yourself.
Being lazy could just get you fired from your job; just ask Tom.
Castor oil comes when you least expect it.
and the biggest one of all ....
Love your enemy as yourself.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Just Thinking Out loud
So like this morning I was good and worked out .. yeah me (clapping my hands in front of me like London Tipton on Suite Life). Then I showered, cleaned the shower, did my hair, got dressed, and all the while listening to the Today show; which I don't normally do.
Now I am sitting at my computer trying to get myself involved with a paper that I will turn in later today for my Human Development class regarding the development of sexual predators.
Ironically, the Today show reported an alarming story regarding sexual predators in nursing homes. Odd. I think it was in Oklahoma, where an elderly woman was raped by an elderly man who resided in the nursing home.
Did you know that only three states require background checks of their residents?
Did you also know that most people think that the older a sexual predator gets the less dangerous they are to society.
The man was like eighty something.
My grandparents still get it on and they are both eighty something.
So what makes you think that just because a person is elderly and possible demented that they don't still have a sex drive or a certain pathology?
The old man had over ten priors in his past.
He was found wondering the streets and put into the nursing home because he was in danger.
The judge said he was not a threat to society any longer.
Oh yeah?
I don't think this elderly woman's family would have put their mother in that home if they had known a sexual predator was residing there.
Only recently have people began to recognize the importance of protecting the elderly from these predators. Some are thinking of putting all the elderly predators together in a nursing home designed for them. My question is this: They are still predators. What will keep them from trying to assult each other? Shouldn't there be confinement?
So, my advice to you is this: Hire a nurse and have your elderly parents or grandparents stay wtih you. At least the nurse has to have a background check before you hire her. It will cost you relatively the same to have a home health aid come to your home everyday as it would putting them into a nursing home. It may save you money and heart ache later.
Pray for God's protection over our elderly in America.
Now I am sitting at my computer trying to get myself involved with a paper that I will turn in later today for my Human Development class regarding the development of sexual predators.
Ironically, the Today show reported an alarming story regarding sexual predators in nursing homes. Odd. I think it was in Oklahoma, where an elderly woman was raped by an elderly man who resided in the nursing home.
Did you know that only three states require background checks of their residents?
Did you also know that most people think that the older a sexual predator gets the less dangerous they are to society.
The man was like eighty something.
My grandparents still get it on and they are both eighty something.
So what makes you think that just because a person is elderly and possible demented that they don't still have a sex drive or a certain pathology?
The old man had over ten priors in his past.
He was found wondering the streets and put into the nursing home because he was in danger.
The judge said he was not a threat to society any longer.
Oh yeah?
I don't think this elderly woman's family would have put their mother in that home if they had known a sexual predator was residing there.
Only recently have people began to recognize the importance of protecting the elderly from these predators. Some are thinking of putting all the elderly predators together in a nursing home designed for them. My question is this: They are still predators. What will keep them from trying to assult each other? Shouldn't there be confinement?
So, my advice to you is this: Hire a nurse and have your elderly parents or grandparents stay wtih you. At least the nurse has to have a background check before you hire her. It will cost you relatively the same to have a home health aid come to your home everyday as it would putting them into a nursing home. It may save you money and heart ache later.
Pray for God's protection over our elderly in America.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Take God at His Word.... Please.
Why is it that some Christ followers believe only what they want to believe in God's word?
Like, for instance, they believe God created the Earth and the star, the moon, the sun and man.
They believe the old stories of the Bible; like the story of Moses, Elisha and Elija, King David, King Solomon, King Saul, Daniel and many more. However, they don't believe certain things that God says.
The Bible not only teaches us the history of the past, but through that history, the Bible teaches us about who God is. And one thing he is not: A liar.
So why don't we believe him when he says that vengance belongs to him. He will take revenge upon those who have harmed his beloved. Why do some Christ followers seem to believe they can take it upon themselves to do the work of the Lord; revenge and spitefulness. It doesn't make sence to me.
God calls certain people his anointed ones. Those he has chosen; like kings and priests and even preachers of today. So your preacher or priest or whatever you call him (the man of the cloth) is God's anointed one.
Below is a story from the books of I and II Samuel about David and King Saul. I tool some snit-bits out. Read carefully how David understood the meaning of God's anointed and his actions. Even though his life was in danger; even though he was hated; even though others thought he had the right to take a life.
I Sam 24:3-10; 26:7-13; 26:21-25 and II Sam 1:13-16
At the place where the road passes some sheepfolds, Saul went into a cave to relieve himself. But as it happened, David and his men were hiding in that very cave!
"Now's your opportunity!" David's men whispered to him. "Today is the day the Lord was talking about when he said, `I will certainly put Saul into your power, to do with as you wish.' " Then David crept forward and cut off a piece of Saul's robe. But then David's conscience began bothering him because he had cut Saul's robe.
"The Lord knows I shouldn't have done it," he said to his men. "It is a serious thing to attack the Lord's anointed one, for the Lord himself has chosen him."
So David sharply rebuked his men and did not let them kill Saul. After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way, David came out and shouted after him, "My lord the king!" And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him. Then he shouted to Saul, "Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn't true. For the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave, and some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, `I will never harm him-he is the Lord's anointed one.'
So David and Abishai went right into Saul's camp and found him asleep, with his spear stuck in the ground beside his head. Abner and the warriors were lying asleep around him. "God has surely handed your enemy over to you this time!" Abishai whispered to David. "Let me thrust that spear through him. I'll pin him to the ground, and I won't need to strike twice!" "No!" David said. "Don't kill him. For who can remain innocent after attacking the Lord's anointed one? Surely the Lord will strike Saul down someday, or he will die in battle or of old age. But the Lord forbid that I should kill the one he has anointed! But I'll tell you what-we'll take his spear and his jug of water and then get out of here!" So David took the spear and jug of water that were near Saul's head. Then he and Abishai got away without anyone seeing them or even waking up, because the Lord had put Saul's men into a deep sleep.
Then Saul confessed, "I have sinned. Come back home, my son, and I will no longer try to harm you, for you valued my life today. I have been a fool and very, very wrong." "Here is your spear, O king," David replied. "Let one of your young men come over and get it. The Lord gives his own reward for doing good and for being loyal, and I refused to kill you even when the Lord placed you in my power, for you are the Lord's anointed one. Now may the Lord value my life, even as I have valued yours today. May he rescue me from all my troubles." And Saul said to David, "Blessings on you, my son David. You will do heroic deeds and be a great conqueror." Then David went away, and Saul returned home.
(after Saul was found dead, one of David's men took the credit for Saul's death - read what happens to the guy ... and he didn't even kill Saul, he only found him dead and lied about it)Then David said to the young man who had brought the news, "Where are you from?" And he replied, "I am a foreigner, an Amalekite, who lives in your land." "Were you not afraid to kill the Lord's anointed one?" David asked. Then David said to one of his men, "Kill him!" So the man thrust his sword into the Amalekite and killed him. "You die self-condemned," David said, "for you yourself confessed that you killed the Lord's anointed one."
God doesn't play around.
Those of you who have something to say or do with respect to those around you that God has appointed over you; His anointed one; be careful.
Maybe you don't like what happened in your life.
Maybe you don't think something was fair.
Maybe you don't agree with someone whom God has anointed.
Maybe you have hardened your heart toward certain people.
Maybe you have hatred towards an anointed one because you feel as though you have been wronged.
Maybe someone, according to the gospel of you, has wounded you.
Maybe you believe you have a case and your actions are in some ways justified.
Let me just say this: It ain't your place; it's God's, hand it over; give it up.
However, there is still hope for you.
It's not too late.
Repent for your wrong doing and stop atttacking the anointed ones in your life.
Whether you like the situation you are in or not; there is nothing you can do about it.
Pray to ask God to forgive you for what you have said, what you may have done.
Ask God to forgive you for not trusting him.
Ask God to reveal the truth to you.
Ask God to restore you and take your bitterness and anger away.
Ask God to soften you; tenderize you; take the two by four out of your eye.
Ask God to give you patience to see His will be done; not your own.
Take God's word for what it is; truth.
Take the story of David seriously and trust that God knows what he is doing; even if those he has appointed over you (or had at some point in your life and you are still angry about it) are making your life a living hell, like David.
Please. I can only feel sorry for you when God finally takes action; takes vengance upon you
And he will; no doubt.
Trust God as David trusted God.Please. Take God at his word.
Like, for instance, they believe God created the Earth and the star, the moon, the sun and man.
They believe the old stories of the Bible; like the story of Moses, Elisha and Elija, King David, King Solomon, King Saul, Daniel and many more. However, they don't believe certain things that God says.
The Bible not only teaches us the history of the past, but through that history, the Bible teaches us about who God is. And one thing he is not: A liar.
So why don't we believe him when he says that vengance belongs to him. He will take revenge upon those who have harmed his beloved. Why do some Christ followers seem to believe they can take it upon themselves to do the work of the Lord; revenge and spitefulness. It doesn't make sence to me.
God calls certain people his anointed ones. Those he has chosen; like kings and priests and even preachers of today. So your preacher or priest or whatever you call him (the man of the cloth) is God's anointed one.
Below is a story from the books of I and II Samuel about David and King Saul. I tool some snit-bits out. Read carefully how David understood the meaning of God's anointed and his actions. Even though his life was in danger; even though he was hated; even though others thought he had the right to take a life.
I Sam 24:3-10; 26:7-13; 26:21-25 and II Sam 1:13-16
At the place where the road passes some sheepfolds, Saul went into a cave to relieve himself. But as it happened, David and his men were hiding in that very cave!
"Now's your opportunity!" David's men whispered to him. "Today is the day the Lord was talking about when he said, `I will certainly put Saul into your power, to do with as you wish.' " Then David crept forward and cut off a piece of Saul's robe. But then David's conscience began bothering him because he had cut Saul's robe.
"The Lord knows I shouldn't have done it," he said to his men. "It is a serious thing to attack the Lord's anointed one, for the Lord himself has chosen him."
So David sharply rebuked his men and did not let them kill Saul. After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way, David came out and shouted after him, "My lord the king!" And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him. Then he shouted to Saul, "Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn't true. For the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave, and some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, `I will never harm him-he is the Lord's anointed one.'
So David and Abishai went right into Saul's camp and found him asleep, with his spear stuck in the ground beside his head. Abner and the warriors were lying asleep around him. "God has surely handed your enemy over to you this time!" Abishai whispered to David. "Let me thrust that spear through him. I'll pin him to the ground, and I won't need to strike twice!" "No!" David said. "Don't kill him. For who can remain innocent after attacking the Lord's anointed one? Surely the Lord will strike Saul down someday, or he will die in battle or of old age. But the Lord forbid that I should kill the one he has anointed! But I'll tell you what-we'll take his spear and his jug of water and then get out of here!" So David took the spear and jug of water that were near Saul's head. Then he and Abishai got away without anyone seeing them or even waking up, because the Lord had put Saul's men into a deep sleep.
Then Saul confessed, "I have sinned. Come back home, my son, and I will no longer try to harm you, for you valued my life today. I have been a fool and very, very wrong." "Here is your spear, O king," David replied. "Let one of your young men come over and get it. The Lord gives his own reward for doing good and for being loyal, and I refused to kill you even when the Lord placed you in my power, for you are the Lord's anointed one. Now may the Lord value my life, even as I have valued yours today. May he rescue me from all my troubles." And Saul said to David, "Blessings on you, my son David. You will do heroic deeds and be a great conqueror." Then David went away, and Saul returned home.
(after Saul was found dead, one of David's men took the credit for Saul's death - read what happens to the guy ... and he didn't even kill Saul, he only found him dead and lied about it)Then David said to the young man who had brought the news, "Where are you from?" And he replied, "I am a foreigner, an Amalekite, who lives in your land." "Were you not afraid to kill the Lord's anointed one?" David asked. Then David said to one of his men, "Kill him!" So the man thrust his sword into the Amalekite and killed him. "You die self-condemned," David said, "for you yourself confessed that you killed the Lord's anointed one."
God doesn't play around.
Those of you who have something to say or do with respect to those around you that God has appointed over you; His anointed one; be careful.
Maybe you don't like what happened in your life.
Maybe you don't think something was fair.
Maybe you don't agree with someone whom God has anointed.
Maybe you have hardened your heart toward certain people.
Maybe you have hatred towards an anointed one because you feel as though you have been wronged.
Maybe someone, according to the gospel of you, has wounded you.
Maybe you believe you have a case and your actions are in some ways justified.
Let me just say this: It ain't your place; it's God's, hand it over; give it up.
However, there is still hope for you.
It's not too late.
Repent for your wrong doing and stop atttacking the anointed ones in your life.
Whether you like the situation you are in or not; there is nothing you can do about it.
Pray to ask God to forgive you for what you have said, what you may have done.
Ask God to forgive you for not trusting him.
Ask God to reveal the truth to you.
Ask God to restore you and take your bitterness and anger away.
Ask God to soften you; tenderize you; take the two by four out of your eye.
Ask God to give you patience to see His will be done; not your own.
Take God's word for what it is; truth.
Take the story of David seriously and trust that God knows what he is doing; even if those he has appointed over you (or had at some point in your life and you are still angry about it) are making your life a living hell, like David.
Please. I can only feel sorry for you when God finally takes action; takes vengance upon you
And he will; no doubt.
Trust God as David trusted God.Please. Take God at his word.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Dream the Dream
Remember January?
A New Year.
Remember resolutions?
A New Start.
I wonder how it's going?
I didn't make any resolutions this year.
I set goals.
I set a goal for the gym.
Three times a week.
I set a goal for books.
Two a month.
I set a goal for education.
Study every day.
I set a goal with my man.
Date night.
I set a goal with my kids.
Date night.
Can I just say, it's April, the year is nearly half over and I have not kept those goals in sight.
Uuh oh.
Setting goals means I should put them where I can see them.
Make a statement I can read each day to stay focused on them.
Put pictures up to remind me.
The only goal I have kept up with is reading.
So, back to the drawing board.
Back to putting things where I can see them; front and center.
Maybe even clip out a picture of a gorgeous girl in a bikini and paste my face over hers! Ha!
I think our society is so results oriented that we loose focus.
We loose sight of the goal.
We begin to get impatient because we don't see the results as quickly as we would like.
So we become critical and near sighted; we get distracted and lose sight of our goal.
There's a cure.
I remember a rider once told me that they but these blinders on horses during parades and such to keep them focused. They are these black things that are put on either side of the horses eyes; keep them on task; to keep them from getting distracted.
Odd.
I wonder if we could do the same with our goals.
Put these bllinders on in order to keep us focused; so we are not easily distracted by everything around us.
It's not too late.
Don't buy the lie that it's too late.
A New Year.
Remember resolutions?
A New Start.
I wonder how it's going?
I didn't make any resolutions this year.
I set goals.
I set a goal for the gym.
Three times a week.
I set a goal for books.
Two a month.
I set a goal for education.
Study every day.
I set a goal with my man.
Date night.
I set a goal with my kids.
Date night.
Can I just say, it's April, the year is nearly half over and I have not kept those goals in sight.
Uuh oh.
Setting goals means I should put them where I can see them.
Make a statement I can read each day to stay focused on them.
Put pictures up to remind me.
The only goal I have kept up with is reading.
So, back to the drawing board.
Back to putting things where I can see them; front and center.
Maybe even clip out a picture of a gorgeous girl in a bikini and paste my face over hers! Ha!
I think our society is so results oriented that we loose focus.
We loose sight of the goal.
We begin to get impatient because we don't see the results as quickly as we would like.
So we become critical and near sighted; we get distracted and lose sight of our goal.
There's a cure.
I remember a rider once told me that they but these blinders on horses during parades and such to keep them focused. They are these black things that are put on either side of the horses eyes; keep them on task; to keep them from getting distracted.
Odd.
I wonder if we could do the same with our goals.
Put these bllinders on in order to keep us focused; so we are not easily distracted by everything around us.
It's not too late.
Don't buy the lie that it's too late.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Learning Responsibility
So, I had a little mini chat with my daughter this morning.
And for those of you who know me, I don't like idle discipline.
Being grounded is ok, but there needs to be a purpose, an end point, a goal.
It's not about, Mom needs a break from you. Although sometimes ....
So. I have given my Little One some questions to ponder.
I know, I am such a meany; a real stickler on homework.
Anyway. It works for her.
It works for me.
It's something to actually reflect back on when this situation (Oh, God please no) happens again.
It works. It's tangible.
One of the questions is "If God were sitting next to you, what would you say to him? What would he say to you?" I ask this of myself quite often.
I ask this because I want to first see her perspective on what God thinks about her and vice versa. Very important.
Depending on what she says, we will either move forward or back up.
Another question pertains to her thinking. Her thought processes and the root cause of why she thinks what she thinks; which leads to her acting it out.
Deep, I know. She's a smart girl and I know God will reveal it to her.
This then tied into the next question, what actions and steps need to be taken in order to change her thought process and inevitably her actions.
I know. That's a challenging one.
The last one is more or less her confessions. What mixed signals am I sending my family?
That's the one that I am just going to leave for her to read and talk to me about it if she wants to. That's one for her to just be honest and see how her actions are so loud that I can't hear anything she is saying.
So why am I doing this.
Well, I think it is important for her to see that her actions not only have consequences but they have reasons behind them that need to be addressed.
I think we should all do this.
She has to take responsibility for changing this so that it doesn't keep happening.
And if it does, she will at least have a plan of attack.
She has to understand that relationships take time and effort; they are not always fun.
It takes work. And work is not always fun.
I think she is struggling with control and fun.
And we have a lot of fun here. As well as a lot of free time.
I think she is struggling with responsibility. Such a bad word.
The truth is, we all struggle with taking responsibility for things.
We all struggle with relationships.
It's hard work.
We'd like it to be easy and always fun, but I don't think it would be as rewarding.
Why is it that we care more about what God thinks and doing things his way when we are in trouble, or right after we've been exposed? It's because we know we messed up.
Then we apologize and make all sorts of promises and deals that we probably won't live up to.
It all goes back to our motives. The motor that compels us to do what we do. If our motives are selfish, we will do selfish things; even if it looks good to others on the outside. God knows. Nothing is hidden from him. I love that and I hate that. And the truth is, my kids hate that about me.
I just know when they are not being sincere, honest or whatever. If you are a parent, you understand. If not, God will give you this amazing software when you have children of your own.
God has this amazing software. He extends it to us through the holy spirit. That is the strange feeling you get in your stomach when you know you should not have eaten the last piece of chocolate cake. Especially since you already had two pieces.
No really. The holy spirit convicts us. He gently prods us and probes us to do the right thing.
It is up to us whether we are going to tune into it or turn it off.
It takes discipline and humility. It is not easy to put others first when you have royally screwed up. But there is a freedom in that. A restoration that occurs. And somehow, I don't know how, the relationship is some how better. More mature, more understanding, more intune.
I know my little one will be a great employee, an empathic mom, a wonderful wife, a super bff and tons more. Though the steps to achieving this will take time, dedication, determination, patience and lots of hard work, I know she will learn this and attribute it to her life.
And for those of you who know me, I don't like idle discipline.
Being grounded is ok, but there needs to be a purpose, an end point, a goal.
It's not about, Mom needs a break from you. Although sometimes ....
So. I have given my Little One some questions to ponder.
I know, I am such a meany; a real stickler on homework.
Anyway. It works for her.
It works for me.
It's something to actually reflect back on when this situation (Oh, God please no) happens again.
It works. It's tangible.
One of the questions is "If God were sitting next to you, what would you say to him? What would he say to you?" I ask this of myself quite often.
I ask this because I want to first see her perspective on what God thinks about her and vice versa. Very important.
Depending on what she says, we will either move forward or back up.
Another question pertains to her thinking. Her thought processes and the root cause of why she thinks what she thinks; which leads to her acting it out.
Deep, I know. She's a smart girl and I know God will reveal it to her.
This then tied into the next question, what actions and steps need to be taken in order to change her thought process and inevitably her actions.
I know. That's a challenging one.
The last one is more or less her confessions. What mixed signals am I sending my family?
That's the one that I am just going to leave for her to read and talk to me about it if she wants to. That's one for her to just be honest and see how her actions are so loud that I can't hear anything she is saying.
So why am I doing this.
Well, I think it is important for her to see that her actions not only have consequences but they have reasons behind them that need to be addressed.
I think we should all do this.
She has to take responsibility for changing this so that it doesn't keep happening.
And if it does, she will at least have a plan of attack.
She has to understand that relationships take time and effort; they are not always fun.
It takes work. And work is not always fun.
I think she is struggling with control and fun.
And we have a lot of fun here. As well as a lot of free time.
I think she is struggling with responsibility. Such a bad word.
The truth is, we all struggle with taking responsibility for things.
We all struggle with relationships.
It's hard work.
We'd like it to be easy and always fun, but I don't think it would be as rewarding.
Why is it that we care more about what God thinks and doing things his way when we are in trouble, or right after we've been exposed? It's because we know we messed up.
Then we apologize and make all sorts of promises and deals that we probably won't live up to.
It all goes back to our motives. The motor that compels us to do what we do. If our motives are selfish, we will do selfish things; even if it looks good to others on the outside. God knows. Nothing is hidden from him. I love that and I hate that. And the truth is, my kids hate that about me.
I just know when they are not being sincere, honest or whatever. If you are a parent, you understand. If not, God will give you this amazing software when you have children of your own.
God has this amazing software. He extends it to us through the holy spirit. That is the strange feeling you get in your stomach when you know you should not have eaten the last piece of chocolate cake. Especially since you already had two pieces.
No really. The holy spirit convicts us. He gently prods us and probes us to do the right thing.
It is up to us whether we are going to tune into it or turn it off.
It takes discipline and humility. It is not easy to put others first when you have royally screwed up. But there is a freedom in that. A restoration that occurs. And somehow, I don't know how, the relationship is some how better. More mature, more understanding, more intune.
I know my little one will be a great employee, an empathic mom, a wonderful wife, a super bff and tons more. Though the steps to achieving this will take time, dedication, determination, patience and lots of hard work, I know she will learn this and attribute it to her life.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
You'd Think I'd Know By Now
Can I just say I hate when my kids are in trouble. I wish I never had to talk to them about anything except the fun stuff. Like finger nail polish and make up; video games and fast cars.
Life, in my house, is the pits when someone gets in trouble. It's a time for reflection. I time for decisions. A time of real, "What the heck was I thinking?" for both the kid in trouble and me.
Now, I don't know about you, but I say some pretty unkind things when I'm pissed off and disappointed. I don't do it all the time, but when I do, I really have to take a step back and refocus. I usually realize it right away and apologize. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a raging baboon. More often than not, I am even tempered and wait for the right time and place to communicate my disappointment and expectations.
However, I blew it with my son yesterday, and he wasn’t the one in trouble.
It couldn't be just one of them ... it had to be both.
He hadn't even done anything wrong. At least nothing that warranted me sending him to bed. I was just so full of emotion that I seemed real on edge. Dinner was horrible; my food tasted like, well... nothing. My daughter chose to pout the whole time because she lost some privileges, causing my son to become real uncomfortable and wondering whether he was next.
This makes me understand why some parents choose not to invite children to the table unless they can come to enjoy everyone there; without sulking. Or they can eat alone; choice is theirs. I should have done that, but I had no idea it was going to be so dramatic.
Anyway ... I won't go into details about what my daughter did, but I will say, it was out of character for those of you who know her. It was totally motivated by self; which I can understand for a teenager. However, I didn't even see it coming.
I trusted her. And some things; there’s just no excuse for.
And better yet, this isn't the first time she has done this. The last several times this has happened, we have talked about it. She made her agreements, I would trust her in this area again and again and then ... well, here we are again.
So ... what to do ... what to do ....
To be honest, I realize I need to set up some distinct do's and don’ts with her regarding certain areas of her life and mine; boundaries.
I also realize, I need to create a more structured environment for her so she knows what is expected of her.
We have this in place; however, she seems to think it's a choice.
Well, it is a choice. She can follow the guidelines or not.
The choice she would like however is to avoid any consequences related to her poor choices.
All of them.
Unless, of course, they are the good consequences.
I just can't seem to help her understand that her choices matter.
Not just to me, but to herself; that she is choosing to injure herself by making such poor choices.
Am I going crazy.....
I mean, how hard is it to make good choices?
Come on!
Good choices usually lead to good things.
If you do the right thing, there will be good consequences.
If you do the wrong thing, there will be bad consequences.
I know I am thinking rather black and white at the moment, but hang on.
My Pastor talked about that today.
Big and Rich!
Doing things God’s way in order to receive his blessings.
I don't understand why my daughter doesn't seem to understand this.
She seriously thinks that the consequences don't matter.
Unless they are the good ones. Those she deserves; those she expects. Those, she can’t wait for and even reminds me of them when I have forgotten to follow through with them.
The bad ones … Well, according to her, she doesn’t think she has those coming.
Hello, operator? What planet am I on? … Hello? … Hello? Is anybody there?
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Hello; therefore, we have consequences. I mean even physics and math and biology have consequences.
Let go of a ball, it falls. Two plus tow equals four. Have sex, have babies.
Quite simple. At least I think so anyway.
I just don't get it.
Am I nuts?
I keep try to model it for her.
I encourage her.
I praise her.
I just don't get it.
But here’s what I do get.
There are some things that God does which I don't have to understand.
There are some things that my children do that I don't have to understand.
Here’s what I need to get.
What I need to do is trust that God loves my children more than I ever could.
What I need to do is trust that He has our family's best interests at heart, even when it doesn't feel like it.
So, I apologized to my son for getting upset with him for no reason.
I asked for a big hug; which he gladly gave to me.
I let him stay awake and watch Disney and even sleep upstairs.
I’m working on how to address my daughter without going into a big shpeel.
I've asked my daughter to think about what actions brought her to this place.
And meanwhile, I am praying that she will one day come to understand the importance of her choices and what effect they have. … and not just how they affect her.
Thank you for listening.
Life, in my house, is the pits when someone gets in trouble. It's a time for reflection. I time for decisions. A time of real, "What the heck was I thinking?" for both the kid in trouble and me.
Now, I don't know about you, but I say some pretty unkind things when I'm pissed off and disappointed. I don't do it all the time, but when I do, I really have to take a step back and refocus. I usually realize it right away and apologize. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a raging baboon. More often than not, I am even tempered and wait for the right time and place to communicate my disappointment and expectations.
However, I blew it with my son yesterday, and he wasn’t the one in trouble.
It couldn't be just one of them ... it had to be both.
He hadn't even done anything wrong. At least nothing that warranted me sending him to bed. I was just so full of emotion that I seemed real on edge. Dinner was horrible; my food tasted like, well... nothing. My daughter chose to pout the whole time because she lost some privileges, causing my son to become real uncomfortable and wondering whether he was next.
This makes me understand why some parents choose not to invite children to the table unless they can come to enjoy everyone there; without sulking. Or they can eat alone; choice is theirs. I should have done that, but I had no idea it was going to be so dramatic.
Anyway ... I won't go into details about what my daughter did, but I will say, it was out of character for those of you who know her. It was totally motivated by self; which I can understand for a teenager. However, I didn't even see it coming.
I trusted her. And some things; there’s just no excuse for.
And better yet, this isn't the first time she has done this. The last several times this has happened, we have talked about it. She made her agreements, I would trust her in this area again and again and then ... well, here we are again.
So ... what to do ... what to do ....
To be honest, I realize I need to set up some distinct do's and don’ts with her regarding certain areas of her life and mine; boundaries.
I also realize, I need to create a more structured environment for her so she knows what is expected of her.
We have this in place; however, she seems to think it's a choice.
Well, it is a choice. She can follow the guidelines or not.
The choice she would like however is to avoid any consequences related to her poor choices.
All of them.
Unless, of course, they are the good consequences.
I just can't seem to help her understand that her choices matter.
Not just to me, but to herself; that she is choosing to injure herself by making such poor choices.
Am I going crazy.....
I mean, how hard is it to make good choices?
Come on!
Good choices usually lead to good things.
If you do the right thing, there will be good consequences.
If you do the wrong thing, there will be bad consequences.
I know I am thinking rather black and white at the moment, but hang on.
My Pastor talked about that today.
Big and Rich!
Doing things God’s way in order to receive his blessings.
I don't understand why my daughter doesn't seem to understand this.
She seriously thinks that the consequences don't matter.
Unless they are the good ones. Those she deserves; those she expects. Those, she can’t wait for and even reminds me of them when I have forgotten to follow through with them.
The bad ones … Well, according to her, she doesn’t think she has those coming.
Hello, operator? What planet am I on? … Hello? … Hello? Is anybody there?
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Hello; therefore, we have consequences. I mean even physics and math and biology have consequences.
Let go of a ball, it falls. Two plus tow equals four. Have sex, have babies.
Quite simple. At least I think so anyway.
I just don't get it.
Am I nuts?
I keep try to model it for her.
I encourage her.
I praise her.
I just don't get it.
But here’s what I do get.
There are some things that God does which I don't have to understand.
There are some things that my children do that I don't have to understand.
Here’s what I need to get.
What I need to do is trust that God loves my children more than I ever could.
What I need to do is trust that He has our family's best interests at heart, even when it doesn't feel like it.
So, I apologized to my son for getting upset with him for no reason.
I asked for a big hug; which he gladly gave to me.
I let him stay awake and watch Disney and even sleep upstairs.
I’m working on how to address my daughter without going into a big shpeel.
I've asked my daughter to think about what actions brought her to this place.
And meanwhile, I am praying that she will one day come to understand the importance of her choices and what effect they have. … and not just how they affect her.
Thank you for listening.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
The Death of Ants**
I know the title sounds a little strange but hang in there.
I grew up in a small town in NY called Elmira Heights. I moved to O-town nine years ago.
In NY, we had ants, but no where near the kind of psycho ants in Florida, the kind that eat your house and the kind that attack and bite you.
We had big huge black ants.
When I was small, I think it was my job to kill all of them. I would crush them, step on them and even drown them. Then one day a friend down the street told me to be careful. Ants can carry like a thousand times their own weight and one day (since all ants have families, ya know) they might try to kill me. Since they can climb trees, they could throw rocks at me and try to stone me. They could even become Kamikaze like and hold me under water and drown me.
Scared the life out of me. I never tried to kill an ant again.
Until I moved to Florida.
The point of this story is this: I was right. I had the right idea about ants all along; killem all.
According to Daniel Amen, author of Change Your Brain Change Your Life, he says ANTS are Automatic Negative Thoughts that need to be destroyed.
Ya see, I knew I was justified in killing them.
Here's why..
Your memory and negative thoughts and experiences are stored in your deep limbic system. It's there, don't worry. Its' in the middle part of your brain, very small, but very significant. When your deep limbic system is way way active, your mind is set on negative. If you doubt this, think about when all of the sudden (ladies*) you cry over nothing; or you are irritated, you start regretting something you did way back when (and really no one cares about it but you), you feel anxious about the future, you are critical, and you complain. *this isn't directed to all the ladies, no chillax all you men reading this.
Think about the last time you told yourself, I'm going to fail this test; It's going to be an awful day; Why bother. Are you getting it now? You set yourself up for failure. Think about all the times you are on your way home, after leaving your kids alone with your husband for a week. What are you thinking about? What the house looks like, did he take the trash out, are my kids still healthy or did they eat candy and take out for the week? These negative thoughts predispose you to self-fulfilling prophesies. You are expecting bad things to happen and you set yourself up for it to happen.
Another example, you think about no one wanting to be your friend, no one likes you; maybe you even think ill of others. Therefore you alienate others from you, causing you to continue with the negative thoughts and believing them further. Making sense?
Here's more examples, just in case you are saying to yourself, "I don't do that."
You never listen to me.
You're arrogant.
I should have done better.
My children never listen to me.
I feel as though you don't care about me.
In order to repair the damage done to the deep limbic system, you must evaluate your thoughts. Because sometimes your thoughts might not even be telling the truth. Remember when the Bible said, take every thought captive. Well, that's because, like God created your brain and like he knows how it works and he knows what happens when you misinterpret events and what people say and think negatively. Why do you think Paul wrote Philippians 4:8? Whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.
Hello. Because ANTS destroy your life. Just like red ants and carpenter ants and the plain old black ants can destroy parts of your life. Like your deck, foundation, picnic, fun in the yard with bare feet ...
You must kill the ANTS in your life.
Dr. Amen says that thoughts are actually things, beings. They actually have physical properties. Picture them as invaders (good or bad). When you think a thought, it effects you physically. Your body releases chemicals after every thought. If your mind is full of negative thoughts, it will effect your deep limbic system and therefore cause irritability, moodiness and even depression. But you can teach yourself to control your thinking. Hence the reason we use polygraph testing. Because our thoughts, good and bad, cause our body to react. Heart beat, sweat, temperature, and breathing.
Key word, teach yourself. No one else can do it for you. Not even God. It is up to you to take the initiative and do it. God can help you, but he commands you to take your thoughts captive. He commands you to think on positive things. If he could do it all for you every time you ask him to, he would not have written it down for us to do it ourselves. He would have said something like this, 'Hey, every time you have a bad thought or you are feeling down, just tell me about it and I will make it all better. I will even replace it for you. You don't have to do or think anything. I got it covered."
God is not a Jeanie in a Bottle. Yes, he will help you. And if you pray to him, he may possibly give you a thought to replace the bad one with; but what if he doesn't. Au ha! It's because it's your job. He wants you to do it. He wants you to learn how to do it for yourself; with his help and encouragement.
Ok, so how?? How do you get rid of these ANTS????
First you have to identify what kind of ant it is so you will know how to destroy it.
ANT #1 Always or Never thinking
Replace always or never will something else.
For example, My children never listen.
My children are not listening to me right now, but they usually do.
ANT #2 Focusing on the bad; the negative
Look for the positive in every situation.
Turn your negative thought into a more positive or neutral thought.
Play the "Glad Game" from the Pollyanna book.
ANT #3 Fortune telling
This is the one where you predict what is going to happen.
For example, People are going to stop coming to this church.
You don't know that. Tell yourself that you do not know the future. If you could predict the future, don't you think you would have won the lottery by now.
ANT #4 Mind reading
This is when you think you know why someone did something or what they are thinking about.
For example, your wife has a downcast face. You think, uh oh, she's PMSing. Better stay away.
You don't know that. You only think you do. You won't know unless you ask them or they tell you. Stop reading other people's minds; they don't need your help, and it's not helping you.
ANT #5 Thinking with your feelings
This is when you feel a certain way and you actually believe the way you feel is accurate. If that were true then every woman who cries for no reason is a bipolar. Not true.
Evaluate your feelings, feelings LIE. What is true about your feeling? What isn't? Then make a decision based on what is true. If there is no reason why you are crying other than hormones, then there's your answer. Go check your calendar, because your are probably due for Aunt Flow.
ANT #6 Guilt Beating
This is where you think things like should, must, ought to, or have to.
Like, I should have done better on that test. or I must spend more time with my kids.
It is better if you change them to fit your goals.
It is in my best interest to perform better on the next test. or I want to spend more time with my kids.
ANT #7 Labeling
You are a ____ (negative word)
Well, that effects you as well.
You calling someone a jerk effects how you interact with the jerk.
Most people aren't going to act in a formal or positive way with a jerk.
Stay away from this.
Think Bambi and his friend Thumper, "If you can't say something nice. Don't say anything at all."
ANT #8 Personalizing
This is when you think the reason someone didn't talk to you, it must have something to do with something you did ... or didn't do.
There are many reasons why people behave the way they do; but don't take it personally.
Someone may not have talked to you because they were focused on where they were going and what they needed to do.
ANT #9 Blaming (poisonous)
For example: It wasn't my fault.... or How was I supposed to know... or That would not have happened if you had just ....
Whenever you blame someone for problems in your own life, you make yourself powerless to do anything about it. Take responsibility for what happened; don't blame.
Train yourself to identify what kind of ANT is interfering with your life, write it down and change it to something more positive; this will kill the ant.
Take it easy.... and don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
(the eagles - like the best band ever)
**Amen, D.G., MD.: Change Your Brain Change Your Life. (New York: Times Books - Random House, 1998).
I grew up in a small town in NY called Elmira Heights. I moved to O-town nine years ago.
In NY, we had ants, but no where near the kind of psycho ants in Florida, the kind that eat your house and the kind that attack and bite you.
We had big huge black ants.
When I was small, I think it was my job to kill all of them. I would crush them, step on them and even drown them. Then one day a friend down the street told me to be careful. Ants can carry like a thousand times their own weight and one day (since all ants have families, ya know) they might try to kill me. Since they can climb trees, they could throw rocks at me and try to stone me. They could even become Kamikaze like and hold me under water and drown me.
Scared the life out of me. I never tried to kill an ant again.
Until I moved to Florida.
The point of this story is this: I was right. I had the right idea about ants all along; killem all.
According to Daniel Amen, author of Change Your Brain Change Your Life, he says ANTS are Automatic Negative Thoughts that need to be destroyed.
Ya see, I knew I was justified in killing them.
Here's why..
Your memory and negative thoughts and experiences are stored in your deep limbic system. It's there, don't worry. Its' in the middle part of your brain, very small, but very significant. When your deep limbic system is way way active, your mind is set on negative. If you doubt this, think about when all of the sudden (ladies*) you cry over nothing; or you are irritated, you start regretting something you did way back when (and really no one cares about it but you), you feel anxious about the future, you are critical, and you complain. *this isn't directed to all the ladies, no chillax all you men reading this.
Think about the last time you told yourself, I'm going to fail this test; It's going to be an awful day; Why bother. Are you getting it now? You set yourself up for failure. Think about all the times you are on your way home, after leaving your kids alone with your husband for a week. What are you thinking about? What the house looks like, did he take the trash out, are my kids still healthy or did they eat candy and take out for the week? These negative thoughts predispose you to self-fulfilling prophesies. You are expecting bad things to happen and you set yourself up for it to happen.
Another example, you think about no one wanting to be your friend, no one likes you; maybe you even think ill of others. Therefore you alienate others from you, causing you to continue with the negative thoughts and believing them further. Making sense?
Here's more examples, just in case you are saying to yourself, "I don't do that."
You never listen to me.
You're arrogant.
I should have done better.
My children never listen to me.
I feel as though you don't care about me.
In order to repair the damage done to the deep limbic system, you must evaluate your thoughts. Because sometimes your thoughts might not even be telling the truth. Remember when the Bible said, take every thought captive. Well, that's because, like God created your brain and like he knows how it works and he knows what happens when you misinterpret events and what people say and think negatively. Why do you think Paul wrote Philippians 4:8? Whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.
Hello. Because ANTS destroy your life. Just like red ants and carpenter ants and the plain old black ants can destroy parts of your life. Like your deck, foundation, picnic, fun in the yard with bare feet ...
You must kill the ANTS in your life.
Dr. Amen says that thoughts are actually things, beings. They actually have physical properties. Picture them as invaders (good or bad). When you think a thought, it effects you physically. Your body releases chemicals after every thought. If your mind is full of negative thoughts, it will effect your deep limbic system and therefore cause irritability, moodiness and even depression. But you can teach yourself to control your thinking. Hence the reason we use polygraph testing. Because our thoughts, good and bad, cause our body to react. Heart beat, sweat, temperature, and breathing.
Key word, teach yourself. No one else can do it for you. Not even God. It is up to you to take the initiative and do it. God can help you, but he commands you to take your thoughts captive. He commands you to think on positive things. If he could do it all for you every time you ask him to, he would not have written it down for us to do it ourselves. He would have said something like this, 'Hey, every time you have a bad thought or you are feeling down, just tell me about it and I will make it all better. I will even replace it for you. You don't have to do or think anything. I got it covered."
God is not a Jeanie in a Bottle. Yes, he will help you. And if you pray to him, he may possibly give you a thought to replace the bad one with; but what if he doesn't. Au ha! It's because it's your job. He wants you to do it. He wants you to learn how to do it for yourself; with his help and encouragement.
Ok, so how?? How do you get rid of these ANTS????
First you have to identify what kind of ant it is so you will know how to destroy it.
ANT #1 Always or Never thinking
Replace always or never will something else.
For example, My children never listen.
My children are not listening to me right now, but they usually do.
ANT #2 Focusing on the bad; the negative
Look for the positive in every situation.
Turn your negative thought into a more positive or neutral thought.
Play the "Glad Game" from the Pollyanna book.
ANT #3 Fortune telling
This is the one where you predict what is going to happen.
For example, People are going to stop coming to this church.
You don't know that. Tell yourself that you do not know the future. If you could predict the future, don't you think you would have won the lottery by now.
ANT #4 Mind reading
This is when you think you know why someone did something or what they are thinking about.
For example, your wife has a downcast face. You think, uh oh, she's PMSing. Better stay away.
You don't know that. You only think you do. You won't know unless you ask them or they tell you. Stop reading other people's minds; they don't need your help, and it's not helping you.
ANT #5 Thinking with your feelings
This is when you feel a certain way and you actually believe the way you feel is accurate. If that were true then every woman who cries for no reason is a bipolar. Not true.
Evaluate your feelings, feelings LIE. What is true about your feeling? What isn't? Then make a decision based on what is true. If there is no reason why you are crying other than hormones, then there's your answer. Go check your calendar, because your are probably due for Aunt Flow.
ANT #6 Guilt Beating
This is where you think things like should, must, ought to, or have to.
Like, I should have done better on that test. or I must spend more time with my kids.
It is better if you change them to fit your goals.
It is in my best interest to perform better on the next test. or I want to spend more time with my kids.
ANT #7 Labeling
You are a ____ (negative word)
Well, that effects you as well.
You calling someone a jerk effects how you interact with the jerk.
Most people aren't going to act in a formal or positive way with a jerk.
Stay away from this.
Think Bambi and his friend Thumper, "If you can't say something nice. Don't say anything at all."
ANT #8 Personalizing
This is when you think the reason someone didn't talk to you, it must have something to do with something you did ... or didn't do.
There are many reasons why people behave the way they do; but don't take it personally.
Someone may not have talked to you because they were focused on where they were going and what they needed to do.
ANT #9 Blaming (poisonous)
For example: It wasn't my fault.... or How was I supposed to know... or That would not have happened if you had just ....
Whenever you blame someone for problems in your own life, you make yourself powerless to do anything about it. Take responsibility for what happened; don't blame.
Train yourself to identify what kind of ANT is interfering with your life, write it down and change it to something more positive; this will kill the ant.
Take it easy.... and don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
(the eagles - like the best band ever)
**Amen, D.G., MD.: Change Your Brain Change Your Life. (New York: Times Books - Random House, 1998).
Friday, April 4, 2008
Woohoo It's Friday
Wow! What a beautiful day!
I have already laid out in the sun and read part of a book called Change Your Brain Change Your Life. It's really good. I suggest you get one of your own. The first few chapters are an overview and some history, then by chapter three, he gets in to the guts of the brain and stuff.
It's for one of my classes; although not a requirement, but as most of you know, I will read it if it is suggested that I read it.
If you watch PBS, like some of us do... on April 29th, PBS had a special with the author of this book, Daniel Amen. He is incredable. They have a package deal of CDs and DVDs and books and stuff if you decide to become a donor of PBS ... um, I'll pass. I don't need anymore junk mail.
He is funny and down to earth for a doctor/researcher/psychiatrist.
One story he told was of a male client who was having issues with his wife. She was a crab. A real horses patoody. So, after his evaluation of them, Dr. Amen suggested that he should tell her what he was going to do and then say, "You probably don't want to join me." To which, the crab would say, "What do you mean I don't want to join you. Don't tell me what I want. Of course I want to join you." And then of course, join him.
The guy tried it for a couple of weeks and it actually improved his relationship with his spouse. However, he called Dr. Amen and told him he was concerned about his sex life; since it had been a while. He told Dr. Amen that he didn't think it would sound good if he said to his wife, "I think I am going to go have sex now. You probably don't want to join me."
I know. Lame doctor joke.
I laughed.
And so did many in the PBS audience ... unless it was the stage hand pressing an "applause" button. hmmm.
Anyway, I plan on reading the rest of it this weekend since it is going to be luxurious outside.
I'll probably get more than half way through with it by the end of today. Yeah!
Then I have to at some point watch Ya Ya sister hood something or other for the same class, Human Develpment. Bummer, I know. I get to read good books and watch good movies.
Maybe you should think about joining PBA for your Masters.
But then again, there's a lot of papers, too.
Oh, well. Enjoy the remains of the day!
Hope you get a chance to soak up the sun... maybe even go to the beach.
BTW, be in prayer for a friend of mine whose wife is expected to have her baby anytime now.
It's going to be a boy! Due date April 24th, but she thinks he wants to get out sooner than that.
Take it easy.
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.
I have already laid out in the sun and read part of a book called Change Your Brain Change Your Life. It's really good. I suggest you get one of your own. The first few chapters are an overview and some history, then by chapter three, he gets in to the guts of the brain and stuff.
It's for one of my classes; although not a requirement, but as most of you know, I will read it if it is suggested that I read it.
If you watch PBS, like some of us do... on April 29th, PBS had a special with the author of this book, Daniel Amen. He is incredable. They have a package deal of CDs and DVDs and books and stuff if you decide to become a donor of PBS ... um, I'll pass. I don't need anymore junk mail.
He is funny and down to earth for a doctor/researcher/psychiatrist.
One story he told was of a male client who was having issues with his wife. She was a crab. A real horses patoody. So, after his evaluation of them, Dr. Amen suggested that he should tell her what he was going to do and then say, "You probably don't want to join me." To which, the crab would say, "What do you mean I don't want to join you. Don't tell me what I want. Of course I want to join you." And then of course, join him.
The guy tried it for a couple of weeks and it actually improved his relationship with his spouse. However, he called Dr. Amen and told him he was concerned about his sex life; since it had been a while. He told Dr. Amen that he didn't think it would sound good if he said to his wife, "I think I am going to go have sex now. You probably don't want to join me."
I know. Lame doctor joke.
I laughed.
And so did many in the PBS audience ... unless it was the stage hand pressing an "applause" button. hmmm.
Anyway, I plan on reading the rest of it this weekend since it is going to be luxurious outside.
I'll probably get more than half way through with it by the end of today. Yeah!
Then I have to at some point watch Ya Ya sister hood something or other for the same class, Human Develpment. Bummer, I know. I get to read good books and watch good movies.
Maybe you should think about joining PBA for your Masters.
But then again, there's a lot of papers, too.
Oh, well. Enjoy the remains of the day!
Hope you get a chance to soak up the sun... maybe even go to the beach.
BTW, be in prayer for a friend of mine whose wife is expected to have her baby anytime now.
It's going to be a boy! Due date April 24th, but she thinks he wants to get out sooner than that.
Take it easy.
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Kid Talk
I love the ages my kids are at right now.
My son is 10 and my daughter is 13.
The conversations we have are very interesting to say the least.
Like last night, my daughter and I were reading (it's where you get a book, and open it and there's these things called words on the page. You sound them out to make a sentence and so on to make a paragraph. It's a beautiful thing).
She is reading Peter Pan and I, The Richest Man Who Ever Lived. Both of us are not reading for mere pleasure, but for school. I know, I know, it stinks. I would have picked something else ... hey wait, I did pick this book. Darn. Oh well.
Any way. She thought the book would be interesting. She has seen Peter Pan and Disney's Hook. Yeah. Amazing how Disney can take a book and completely change it. That's another blog.
She said she wanted to throw the book she was so frustrated. She has to answer questions for school; she's looking everywhere in the book; can't find it. "Everyone else in class has the same book but me!" (the cover on her book is different from all the others) If that were true ... Uh, that's called copyright infringement ... Illegal. But good one.
She finally found the answer in chapter one; she's on chapter eleven. Hence the reason for wanting to throw the book. I have a few books I have read for school I'd like to throw, rip apart and burn. Uh, yep, you heard me. Burn em. Have a nice bomb fire. My yard's big enough.
So she's trying to explain this book to me. She says she can't figure out who's narrating. The book doesn't make any sence. She can't understand what is going on. I wasn't following her. So she says, "Kinda like I talk, Mom." Then I understood perfectly. She tells me the end without the beginning. Like I was there or something... go figure. She'll tell me something that happened from the endpoint and then stop somewhere in the beginning or close to it. I have to stop her like a billion times to clearify and then she starts over. Oh boy. It takes a long time, but it's worth it.
My son. OH boy! He got himself into a little trouble Tuesday .... yeah, sorry all of you who love Luis. He does get into trouble. I know, I know. It's so sad.
So. He was grounded yesterday and today I left him with a thought, "Who is God and why does he matter?" Ooh. I know, I am so mean.
So I came back to the room a little bit later and he says, "God made everything. He is the king of the world and he loves me." Auw. What a sweety. I asked him if he believed that or is he just giving me the sunday school answer. He believed it.
Then he says, "I wonder if, when God made Adam and Eve and if they never believed the snake and ate the apple, would he still have made us? Would I be here?" Auw. Come on, I know you want to say it, "Aw". Good.
I told him that I think he would have still made us because Adam and Eve's job was to take care of the garden and make babies. There just wouldn't have been any sin, that's all.
He says, "I wonder if Satan would have still been a snake." Well that led us to talk about Satan and God's mercy. He told me the story of the three guys who the King gave them each a bag full of gold and wanted them to invest it. Two of them did, but one burried his bag of gold. So when the king came back and asked him where his gold was, he gave it back to him just as he had given it to him. So, my son says, "the king got really mad and threw him in jail and then the guy said, 'No no! Have mercy on me.' So the king gave him mercy and let him go. And the guy, on his way home, saw this other guy who owed him some money and he had him thrown in jail. And when the king found out, he went and got the guy he gave mercy to and threw him in jail. So, Mom, that's why we should have mercy."
I realize he got his stories a little confused, but it was cute all the same.
I learn so much from them. They teach me something new everyday.
Lucely teaches me what patience looks like and Luis teaches me what mercy looks like.
I love them more than they will ever know. Just like God loves us more than we will ever know.
My son is 10 and my daughter is 13.
The conversations we have are very interesting to say the least.
Like last night, my daughter and I were reading (it's where you get a book, and open it and there's these things called words on the page. You sound them out to make a sentence and so on to make a paragraph. It's a beautiful thing).
She is reading Peter Pan and I, The Richest Man Who Ever Lived. Both of us are not reading for mere pleasure, but for school. I know, I know, it stinks. I would have picked something else ... hey wait, I did pick this book. Darn. Oh well.
Any way. She thought the book would be interesting. She has seen Peter Pan and Disney's Hook. Yeah. Amazing how Disney can take a book and completely change it. That's another blog.
She said she wanted to throw the book she was so frustrated. She has to answer questions for school; she's looking everywhere in the book; can't find it. "Everyone else in class has the same book but me!" (the cover on her book is different from all the others) If that were true ... Uh, that's called copyright infringement ... Illegal. But good one.
She finally found the answer in chapter one; she's on chapter eleven. Hence the reason for wanting to throw the book. I have a few books I have read for school I'd like to throw, rip apart and burn. Uh, yep, you heard me. Burn em. Have a nice bomb fire. My yard's big enough.
So she's trying to explain this book to me. She says she can't figure out who's narrating. The book doesn't make any sence. She can't understand what is going on. I wasn't following her. So she says, "Kinda like I talk, Mom." Then I understood perfectly. She tells me the end without the beginning. Like I was there or something... go figure. She'll tell me something that happened from the endpoint and then stop somewhere in the beginning or close to it. I have to stop her like a billion times to clearify and then she starts over. Oh boy. It takes a long time, but it's worth it.
My son. OH boy! He got himself into a little trouble Tuesday .... yeah, sorry all of you who love Luis. He does get into trouble. I know, I know. It's so sad.
So. He was grounded yesterday and today I left him with a thought, "Who is God and why does he matter?" Ooh. I know, I am so mean.
So I came back to the room a little bit later and he says, "God made everything. He is the king of the world and he loves me." Auw. What a sweety. I asked him if he believed that or is he just giving me the sunday school answer. He believed it.
Then he says, "I wonder if, when God made Adam and Eve and if they never believed the snake and ate the apple, would he still have made us? Would I be here?" Auw. Come on, I know you want to say it, "Aw". Good.
I told him that I think he would have still made us because Adam and Eve's job was to take care of the garden and make babies. There just wouldn't have been any sin, that's all.
He says, "I wonder if Satan would have still been a snake." Well that led us to talk about Satan and God's mercy. He told me the story of the three guys who the King gave them each a bag full of gold and wanted them to invest it. Two of them did, but one burried his bag of gold. So when the king came back and asked him where his gold was, he gave it back to him just as he had given it to him. So, my son says, "the king got really mad and threw him in jail and then the guy said, 'No no! Have mercy on me.' So the king gave him mercy and let him go. And the guy, on his way home, saw this other guy who owed him some money and he had him thrown in jail. And when the king found out, he went and got the guy he gave mercy to and threw him in jail. So, Mom, that's why we should have mercy."
I realize he got his stories a little confused, but it was cute all the same.
I learn so much from them. They teach me something new everyday.
Lucely teaches me what patience looks like and Luis teaches me what mercy looks like.
I love them more than they will ever know. Just like God loves us more than we will ever know.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Mamma Mia
I know it's a late blog, but .....
Why is it that many woman have babies like crazy and yet don't take care of them?
I have always wanted a child of my own. Not that the two I have been blessed with through my man are not enough, mind you, but I am just bothered by something....
Don't these woman understand that the children suffer because of it. I still can see the residual effects of it from my children's mother and her selfishness and neglect. She is much better now with the two she has with her new husband, but she can't go back and fix the brokenness my daughter feels. She can't go back and fix the emptiness and mistrust my son feels toward every one. Her oldest son that lives with her has issues similar to my son's and I have great pain for him. So many things that were done to him; so many things similar to how she treated my son.
There is this little girl I know. Her mother has placed a huge burden on her. She has been cooking and cleaning and doing the job of a mother for years. She is a teenager now. She is hurting. And to top it all off her own mother only cares about herself.
How can God allow such things to happen? I just don't understand. Children are a gift from God, a blessing. Why can't these mothers see that.
There are so many other women I know that cannot have children. I hurt for them because I know all these other women who treat children as money bags and daddy toys and slaves. It makes me both sad and angry. So sad I want to cry and so mad I want to reach out and touch someone! But then what good would that do.
So... what to do .... what to do....
Well, I think understanding is key.
There is a reason why these women just pop out babies and then take no responsibility for them and expect the babies to take care of them.
I think loving them is important. Because I think a lot of these women have babies in order to have someone to love them back.
I think helping them to understand the concept of unconditional love is important.
That can be done through showing them who Christ is and what he did for us.
That can be hard, because a lot of women know all about God and Jesus and claim to be saved and give you their life story, but aren't necessarily living it.
So ... what to do ... what to do ...
I think being patient is key.
Understanding their point of view.
Perspective is everything.
We don't always see the same thing the same way.
Take a movie for example.
After we watch it together, you may have seen and noticed something I didn't.
If you've watched Vantage Point, you'd definitely notice something that I may not necessarily notice.
Really, I don't know. Because I can't do the job of the Holy Spirit. I can only do the work of the Lord, and that is to Love one another as Christ loved me; even though I was a schmuck.
and I can still be one at times ...
So. So. Be in prayer for me and my fam as I continue to show my children's mother what love looks like. Be with me in prayer as I begin a relationship with this young teenager, in order to build report with her in order to one day counsel her mother and possibly her. Be with me in prayer as my daughter begins to cultivate a friendship with this beautiful girl. Be with me in prayer for all the mothers out there who think children are born to somehow bring them happiness and fulfill their needs.
Thank you.
May the Lord honor your prayers.
Why is it that many woman have babies like crazy and yet don't take care of them?
I have always wanted a child of my own. Not that the two I have been blessed with through my man are not enough, mind you, but I am just bothered by something....
Don't these woman understand that the children suffer because of it. I still can see the residual effects of it from my children's mother and her selfishness and neglect. She is much better now with the two she has with her new husband, but she can't go back and fix the brokenness my daughter feels. She can't go back and fix the emptiness and mistrust my son feels toward every one. Her oldest son that lives with her has issues similar to my son's and I have great pain for him. So many things that were done to him; so many things similar to how she treated my son.
There is this little girl I know. Her mother has placed a huge burden on her. She has been cooking and cleaning and doing the job of a mother for years. She is a teenager now. She is hurting. And to top it all off her own mother only cares about herself.
How can God allow such things to happen? I just don't understand. Children are a gift from God, a blessing. Why can't these mothers see that.
There are so many other women I know that cannot have children. I hurt for them because I know all these other women who treat children as money bags and daddy toys and slaves. It makes me both sad and angry. So sad I want to cry and so mad I want to reach out and touch someone! But then what good would that do.
So... what to do .... what to do....
Well, I think understanding is key.
There is a reason why these women just pop out babies and then take no responsibility for them and expect the babies to take care of them.
I think loving them is important. Because I think a lot of these women have babies in order to have someone to love them back.
I think helping them to understand the concept of unconditional love is important.
That can be done through showing them who Christ is and what he did for us.
That can be hard, because a lot of women know all about God and Jesus and claim to be saved and give you their life story, but aren't necessarily living it.
So ... what to do ... what to do ...
I think being patient is key.
Understanding their point of view.
Perspective is everything.
We don't always see the same thing the same way.
Take a movie for example.
After we watch it together, you may have seen and noticed something I didn't.
If you've watched Vantage Point, you'd definitely notice something that I may not necessarily notice.
Really, I don't know. Because I can't do the job of the Holy Spirit. I can only do the work of the Lord, and that is to Love one another as Christ loved me; even though I was a schmuck.
and I can still be one at times ...
So. So. Be in prayer for me and my fam as I continue to show my children's mother what love looks like. Be with me in prayer as I begin a relationship with this young teenager, in order to build report with her in order to one day counsel her mother and possibly her. Be with me in prayer as my daughter begins to cultivate a friendship with this beautiful girl. Be with me in prayer for all the mothers out there who think children are born to somehow bring them happiness and fulfill their needs.
Thank you.
May the Lord honor your prayers.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Friendship is a Goodship?
I think I am friendship illiterate. I can't speak the language very well. Every good friend I have had has either turned sour or just disappeared; due to distance or disagreements.
There are the friends when situations get a little uncomfortable; either ones they are in or ones I am in, they bail. They jump off the goodship lollipop. Maybe they bail because they don't like being in the situation. Or maybe they bail because they don't like a friend telling them what needs to be changed. Or maybe they bail because you disagree on a situation and you find no common ground. Or they bail because they find your situation too difficult for them to handle.
I thought the job of a friend was to be there for them in their pain. To carry their pain with them. I thought that's what Jesus taught. If so, I have done that to the point where it has, unknowingly, poisoned and injured me. I have since established some helpful boundaries.
I have been backstabbed, burned, lied about, tred upon, forsaken, and much more. Protecting my goodship, will inevidably protect me. If my ship is well protected, I am well protected. I am safe.
I wonder if I have guarded myself so much that I have lost the language of frienship. The only folks on board are the cast and crew. So sit right back and you'll hear a tail .... A tail of a faithful ship ...
I don't come to shore often. Only for what is needed and then I set sail again. If I stay too long, someone may get on board and rock the boat. Not safe.
So think about it. I'm basically isolating myself to keep myself safe, but at the same time keeping myself away from potential friendships. Good ones. Ones that will care about my goodship as much as I do. Cause that's what real friends do, they help protect your ship with you and vice versa.
I am praying for a friend who shares the same values I do; like character, integrity, honesty, and loyalty. I don't think a true friend is one who says, "Hey, we can talk, but only about what makes me feel comfortable." What's the point? Really? Is that being a friend?
Don't get me wrong. I understand those whom I would like to be friends with will have their own boundaries (and issues). I have had friends whom I have to literally stop from talking and redirect them to the real issue. But I've never stopped them from sharing their pain and just throw stuff out there to make them feel better. That's me caring about my needs, not my friends' needs.
I also understand clingy friends that make you think twice about going out with them. But you do it and you dress up in your suit of armor before you go; praying like a banchee the whole time. And it's these friends who don't think they are clingy.... even when you demontrate it.
I also understand those people who think you ought to be their friend simply because you work together or go to school together. They don't understand your boundaries... maybe because they don't have any. I understand all this. What I'm talking about are the ones who are your friends. The ones you have made your friends.
The book of Proverbs (It's in the Bible right after Psalms) says that a friend sticks closer than a brother. When I used to get in trouble at home, my brother would high tail it to the farm, no joke. Especially if he was involved in what got me in trouble to begin with. My friends would sit with me when I got in trouble and even stay by my side while I cried; that is, if my mom didn't tell them to leave. If she did, they would feel bad for leaving me. What happened to those kind of friends?
I see a friend as a little girl. One who is sitting outside alone when someone down the block comes and sits next to her. She says, "Wanna play?". But the girl is quiet; sad. And this someone just sits with her until she is ready. Where are those type of friends?
I see a friend as a girl. One on the play ground who is getting picked on by many boys and girls while the teachers stand around and gossip. The girl goes over to the one being picked on and walks her out of the situation; risking others picking on her as well. Where are those friends?
I see a friend as someone who sticks with you; even when it is uncomfortable. Someone willing to take the risk of getting hurt. Someone who shares the same values.
If I can't even have a conversation with a friend about how gross I feel about a situation, without them caring more about how they feel than how I feel; then they are not my friend. And I don't want them to be my friend. Something I learned from my pastor a long time ago ... Be friends with everyone, but just don't make everyone your friend.
Those I called friend, I will sit with you when you have gotten in trouble. Those I call friend, I will sit in the stillness of the day until you are ready. Those I call friend, I will be with you when people pick on you. Those I call friend, I will walk you out of the torment and pain, risking the pain myself. Those I call friend, I will endure the discomfort with you until you feel better. Those I call friend may hurt me; however, God is my protector and it is through him that friendships endure.
There are the friends when situations get a little uncomfortable; either ones they are in or ones I am in, they bail. They jump off the goodship lollipop. Maybe they bail because they don't like being in the situation. Or maybe they bail because they don't like a friend telling them what needs to be changed. Or maybe they bail because you disagree on a situation and you find no common ground. Or they bail because they find your situation too difficult for them to handle.
I thought the job of a friend was to be there for them in their pain. To carry their pain with them. I thought that's what Jesus taught. If so, I have done that to the point where it has, unknowingly, poisoned and injured me. I have since established some helpful boundaries.
I have been backstabbed, burned, lied about, tred upon, forsaken, and much more. Protecting my goodship, will inevidably protect me. If my ship is well protected, I am well protected. I am safe.
I wonder if I have guarded myself so much that I have lost the language of frienship. The only folks on board are the cast and crew. So sit right back and you'll hear a tail .... A tail of a faithful ship ...
I don't come to shore often. Only for what is needed and then I set sail again. If I stay too long, someone may get on board and rock the boat. Not safe.
So think about it. I'm basically isolating myself to keep myself safe, but at the same time keeping myself away from potential friendships. Good ones. Ones that will care about my goodship as much as I do. Cause that's what real friends do, they help protect your ship with you and vice versa.
I am praying for a friend who shares the same values I do; like character, integrity, honesty, and loyalty. I don't think a true friend is one who says, "Hey, we can talk, but only about what makes me feel comfortable." What's the point? Really? Is that being a friend?
Don't get me wrong. I understand those whom I would like to be friends with will have their own boundaries (and issues). I have had friends whom I have to literally stop from talking and redirect them to the real issue. But I've never stopped them from sharing their pain and just throw stuff out there to make them feel better. That's me caring about my needs, not my friends' needs.
I also understand clingy friends that make you think twice about going out with them. But you do it and you dress up in your suit of armor before you go; praying like a banchee the whole time. And it's these friends who don't think they are clingy.... even when you demontrate it.
I also understand those people who think you ought to be their friend simply because you work together or go to school together. They don't understand your boundaries... maybe because they don't have any. I understand all this. What I'm talking about are the ones who are your friends. The ones you have made your friends.
The book of Proverbs (It's in the Bible right after Psalms) says that a friend sticks closer than a brother. When I used to get in trouble at home, my brother would high tail it to the farm, no joke. Especially if he was involved in what got me in trouble to begin with. My friends would sit with me when I got in trouble and even stay by my side while I cried; that is, if my mom didn't tell them to leave. If she did, they would feel bad for leaving me. What happened to those kind of friends?
I see a friend as a little girl. One who is sitting outside alone when someone down the block comes and sits next to her. She says, "Wanna play?". But the girl is quiet; sad. And this someone just sits with her until she is ready. Where are those type of friends?
I see a friend as a girl. One on the play ground who is getting picked on by many boys and girls while the teachers stand around and gossip. The girl goes over to the one being picked on and walks her out of the situation; risking others picking on her as well. Where are those friends?
I see a friend as someone who sticks with you; even when it is uncomfortable. Someone willing to take the risk of getting hurt. Someone who shares the same values.
If I can't even have a conversation with a friend about how gross I feel about a situation, without them caring more about how they feel than how I feel; then they are not my friend. And I don't want them to be my friend. Something I learned from my pastor a long time ago ... Be friends with everyone, but just don't make everyone your friend.
Those I called friend, I will sit with you when you have gotten in trouble. Those I call friend, I will sit in the stillness of the day until you are ready. Those I call friend, I will be with you when people pick on you. Those I call friend, I will walk you out of the torment and pain, risking the pain myself. Those I call friend, I will endure the discomfort with you until you feel better. Those I call friend may hurt me; however, God is my protector and it is through him that friendships endure.
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