I Love a Rainy Night

I love thunder storms.
I love the rain.

I love a rainy night.
I love to hear the thunder,
Watch the lightning when it lights up the sky.
I love a rainy night ..
ooh. ooh.
Well I love a rainy night.
ooh. ooh.
You know it makes me feel good.


Eddie Rabbitt sings that song.
I love that song.
I remember when I was young, my Daddy used to sing that song to me as I sat on his lap.
He would tap out the beat with is legs as I would bounce on his lap.
Funny now as I think of it, but I really love rain storms.

If you haven't heard that song, you gotta '>hear it now.

I love being reminded of the time I spent with my Daddy, too.
But the rain storms do more than that.
They also remind me of how powerful, majestic and creative my heavenly Daddy is, too!

He is so creative. How beautiful and scary the storms are.
How loud and destructive.
Yet so reflective of his majestic nature.

I love the rain, the storms and all that it brings.
It brings tragedy and closeness.
It ruins picnics and baseball games, but yet brings growth.
It brings floods and yet washes away the unnecessary.

Our heavenly father is the creator of that.
He brings tradegy into our lives but draws us near to him as a result.
He allows our family and fun time and yet he stretches to become better.
He floods our lives with his inconceivableness and washes away our ugliness; our selves.

How great is he!
How marvelous!
How wonderful!
The master of it all!

Desolation

The definition of desolation, according to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (2004), states it is grief; sadness; loneliness; devastation; ruin; a barren wasteland.

Have you ever isolated something or someone (including yourself) to the point where it becomes a wasteland or the person you see becomes grief stricken or lonely?

I've seen it, I've felt it, I've experienced it. We all have. The point is what we do in order to stay far from ruin or allowing someone or something to become ruined.
That's rather difficult.
Why? Because our enemy would like nothing more than to think separating ourselves from others is a safe place. Keeping our distance from others and things we once enjoyed is okay; it's acceptable; everything will be okay. Going away to be alone, to isolate ourselves from those who care for us, even is our darkest and weakest moments is comfortable. At least these are the things that our enemy tells us ... and we believe it.

It takes effort to actually do the opposite; to create an atmosphere of acceptance, nurture and love, no matter what. If you believe the former stuff about being alone to contemplate what has gone wrong, then explain why (ladies), somewhere deep inside you long for someone to come after you, you desire someone to seek you out, to come and find you. I say Ladies, because I know very few who walk away to be alone who actually want to be alone ... (that's a hint to all you men reading this who have ladies who up and walk out of the room ... um ... go. go. go. At least ask her if she's alright or wants some help... maybe she is just putting laundry away, but she wants to know that you care about what she is doing, just as she shows you she cares).

OK, I'll get off my soap box.

So, why is it that we all seem to feel safer going off by ourselves, when clearly, it is not safer because we then isolate ourselves from those who can bring us comfort, reassurance and prayers? Now, I'm not saying to go off to be alone in prayer. Yes, do that. Yes, go off and be alone to pray; even our Lord did that ... many times. But he didn't stay there. He came back to those he loved and those who loved him. He didn't stay away from them. And when he did, those who loved him, guess what ... they sought him out. At times, it did seem rather like hounding, but Jesus knew their hearts. He knew they needed him and still did not quite understand his need for the Father ... or who he was for that matter.

Isolation with our Heavenly Father is good. He stills our thoughts and quiets our hearts. He brings reassurance and peace. However, staying there for too long leads to destruction; especially if your alone time no longer includes the Father; but rather you and all your self-loathing.

Our enemy would love that more than anything; for you to forsake the Father and your need for him; to find the resolution on your own; to talk to yourself and reassure yourself rather than talk to the Father and wait for his reassurance.

Surround yourself with prayer warriors; people who will pray for your needs continually; people who will pray for your protection and spiritual survival. Our battle is not between flesh, although at times it feels that way (I know I've wanted to throw a few punches now and again). Our battle is between good and evil; sin and death; light and darkness; things of this world that cannot be seen. Remember that our enemy can use other people for his weapons of destruction; that includes your spouses, children, friends and family. Pray for protection; guidance, wisdom and discernment.

Allow those around you to pray for you. I know it may cause you to be vulnerable and weak; but Christ's strength will trump any weakness. Trust God above all things; don't try to understand things on your own; for there are many things happening around you that are beyond logic and reason; trust that God knows what he is doing and he doesn't need your help. If he was strong enough to conquer death, he is strong enough to conquer your problems.

I know how difficult it may be to trust, because people hurt and people are disloyal and sometimes untrustworthy; but our Father is loyal, trustworthy and competant. He will not abandon you in your time of need and he will send help; pray for wisdom and discernment in knowing what they help "looks like".

Beautiful People

Two of the people in this picture most of you know as my son and daughter. The others in the picture, although you may not know them, you have heard me speak of them often.

They are my man's children from his previous relationships/marriages. They are beautiful.

Being married to a man with a past is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Nearly every day I learn something new about him, his family, his past.

Being a mother to children who want nothing to do with me is also very difficult. My man thinks I try too hard; I don't think I try hard enough and the children who don't live with us don't care whether I try or not. The cold hard truth is: they don't care about me; nor do they have to. It doesn't matter how I see it; the impotant thing for me is to understand how they see it. Whether is makes any sense; whether it is rational or irrational - it doesn't matter. What matters is how they interpret the things around them and my comprehension of and reaction to that.

When I married my man, I married him for who he was and is and everything he brought and brings into the marriage; that includes his children. The two who live with us love their Dad and I dearly, although we have our difficulties just as any other blended family. However, the others ... well, that's a whole nother story.

How do I love someone who doesn't love me?
How do I show someone I care about them when they could care less about me?
How do I keep trying and pushing forward when all my attempts are thwarted?
How do I keep forgiving someone who deliberately hurts me?

Some of you reading this think you understand what's it's like; but I doubt it.
You can only truly understand once you've been down a similar road.

So ... what to do ... what to do.
As of now, I am attempting to forgive 70 times 7. Thank you very much Peter for asking Jesus how many times we should forgive our brethren. I really appreciate the visual now.
No really, thanks. I can understand why you really wanted to know...

Now, I am attempting to unmask the bitter taste of anger and betrayal.
Now, I am working my way back to freedom by learning how to develop a safety net of friends and a support system around me to protect me from future hurts and pain.
Now, I am learning what to look for and how to have compassion and empathy for those who hurt me because of who I represent; and for what they do not understand.
Now, I will learn to be more proactive rather than reactive and learn to see through Satan's guise. Key word: learn.

Not an easy task; but necessary.
Necessary for my marriage, my sanity and security.
Necessary for my walk, my representation and the beautiful people in my life.
Just plain necessary.
I would ask you to pray, but I have no idea what exactly to ask you to pray for.
I am at a loss. I don't even know what to pray; what to ask for; what to beg for.
Intersession is needed from the highest of highs.
True intersession.

And for those of you with step parents: be gentle, be kind.
And remember, if you truly honor, love and repect your biological parents; you would, in turn honor, love and repect them for and in their choice of a spouse.

Waiting

Have you ever been waiting for something to come about? Something important maybe ... or maybe not really important, but rather interesting or something new and exciting?

In Greece, a place called Pikermi just outside of Athens on Maraothon Road, we were waiting for the bus. A bus taking us to the port of Rafina. Obviously, I had never been there and was anxious to see where it was we were going.

It was beautiful there. The beach was calm and the sun was setting. The air was cool and calm; things were quite.

Although it was wonderful to be there, I desperately missed my family and friends in O-Town. It is such an incredible experience, but it isn't the same when you are waiting ... waiting to go home.

Don't get me wrong, I had a great time; learned a lot about the culture and about my fellow classmates, however, I longed to be back home.

So patiently awaiting for a bus, a plane, a change.
I know I waited and am still waiting. Not for a bus or a plane this time, but a change.
A change that I have no control over; except for the change of my own self.

Now that I am home, I need an emotional, spiritual, physical and psychological make-over.
I have been waiting for those around me to change; when really, I need to change and accept others for who they are.

Not an easy undertaking. People, if you haven't noticed at times, can be quite fickle and quite frankly, a PITA (pain in the ... ) - particularly family members.

People, including myself, do things based on their own value system; things that are important to them, things that spur them in a particular direction. The direction they take, their attitudes, their downfalls and shortcomings, how they handle themselves ( or not ) depends on their values; or lack there of.

There are some people I have met over the course of my life that value themselves; and you can clearly see it in their behavior, attitude and actions, as well as their character - Their abc's shall we say: Attitude, Behavior and Character.

There are many more people in my life, praise God, that value others. Praise God.
I thank him for putting more of those people in my path than those who value themselves.

It makes me so angry when God doesn't move in the direction I think he should when it comes to values. Especially when my values are being challenged. However, then I become those who value their own values over those who value others.

So, what to do ... what to do ...
Here is what I am setting out to do.
Focus on the value of others. Get a handle on what it is they are communicating with their abc's and find their values. It should be obvious. Once I have established what that person values, I can then better communicate with them ( or maybe not, but it's a start ).

If someone values themselves, well, the choice for me is obvious; don't put a lot of stock into what they are saying. They may be blowing smoke somewhere unmentionalble.
I'm not sure if I'm right or if I am wrong; but somewhere along life's journey for me, I need to value other's values whether I agree with them or not. I need to learn how to demonstrate that in a more compassionate and understanding way ... not to win them over, but rather to understand them as a whole person; whether I like them this way or that way or not.
I can't choose who my family or my family-in-law's are any more than you can; so now is the time to take action and commit to better understanding those around me.

I need to tell myself this: I don't need to like what they are doing or how they make me feel; but I do need to ( big gulp here ) love them for who they are: a person who God loves and is here for a reason, just like me; whether I like that reason or not. Maybe they are my thorn ... zoiks!
And you all know how that story ended ... if not read it in II Corinthians 12:7-10.
All for the sake of keeping me from vain conceit; after all, who gave me what I have today?
Not you, not me, not my family or my man; God.

And so I wait. Not for a plane or a bus, but a change to take place in me; not in others, although that would be nice, however, what would I learn ... exactly.

Keep this in mind as you live and grow
God loves you more than you'll ever know
All your mistakes and troubled past
Are gone like the wind; they won't last
He loves and accepts you for who you are
Whether you are close or from afar
Maybe you say "I don't like what I see"
Then take a good look at the you that is me
Don't soon forget what has happened before
And remember one's window is another one's door
-JES

Home Coming Celebration!

I cannot wait to board that plane and come on home tomorrow! The thought of seeing my man.

Greece has been a rewarding experience, but I find myself longing to be in the comfort of my own home.

I can now imagine what it must be like for those who venture to the states in a effort to make life better for their family; they find work and a place to live. They spend many months saving in order to one day bring their family to the states.

It is very difficult for me to be away from my family for as long as I have. I do so much and being here, I have done so little; it makes me feel at times, useless. I know it is not true; however, I feel empty without my family with me. My friends help and allow me to get away and enjoy life away from them, but I can accomplish more with them by my side.

I miss them deeply and I cannot wait to see their faces, to hold them in my arms; to kiss their cheeks and hear "I love you".

I don't know how pastors do it; spending so much time away from their families; building churches, visiting churches, planting churches, evangalizing; all this away from their spouses and children. Impressive!

I pray the Lord will bless my family as I have been away. I pray the Lord will continue to bless the efforts of those who spend time away from their family in order to better understand other cultures; other people; other nations; with compassion, peace, and the Love only God can provide through his son Jesus Christ!

I am sorry I have not written much while I have been here. The internet is not always friendly as I would like it to be ... I will write about things that transpired while I was here when I return to the states. I have missed you all deeply and I genuinely look forward to seeing you again.

I send with you my love and my prayers!

Greece

There is a subway in Greece, ok. And when they were constructing it ... wouldn't you know they found a bunch of stuff.
Some of the artifacts found date back to King David. Can you believe it?

It is amazing here.
So different from the United States.
Road signs, speed limits, driving, walking (which by the way there is a lot of it here; some thing the US has forgotten how to do), the transit system ... golly there is a lot of things so different - including sidewalk. ... What side walks?

I could so live here. It is so amazing; however, they are Greek Orthedox.
Don't know a lot about it, but they basically believe the same as the Catholic's, but a little bit "tweaked". There is a lot more than that, like the great skism and such, but the important thing to note is that those who are not Greek Orthodox are treated as Heathens.

You aren't even aloud in the Church. Can't even take a picture of a priest. You could actually get arrested for it.

Tomorrow we are headed to a convent nearby Pakirmi; which is where we are now located.
I hope I have more time to blog every day that I am here ... I haven't blogged in forever and I ask you to forgive me for not taking it as seriously as I should.

Thank you fellow readers!
I love you all and I miss you terribly.

Se Agapo!

A Tribute to my GRANDma

This is my Grandmother. Isn't she so cute?
This picture was taken at my Granddaddy's 80th
birthday party. I call her "Shorty" because she keeps shrinking.
In this picture, my Grandma wanted, of her and my brother (ain't he handsome), she told him he'd have to sit down and he said, "No I don't. Watch.", so you see him squatting down to her level in order to make her feel better about not being so tiny compared to him in the picture. That's why she's laughing and her cheeks are so red.

On Memorial day most of you were out picnicing/BBQing with your family and having a great time; hey so was I, well I was BQQing and working on a paper, so I was sort of having a good time; at least the food was good.

My Grandma and Granddaddy were at a birthday party for one of the great grandbabies; when around 3:00pm, my Grandma said she didn't feel very well. She wanted to go home and go to bed but others around her convinced her to go to the hospital (considering some of the people there had had their share of problems, she agreed). They called 911 and went to the hospital.

Once there, they discovered she'd suffered a heart attack and was rushed into surgery where she was given three stents.
I found out from my brother, whom you see in this picture. I received the call when I was on my way home from my brother-in-laws home; around 6:30pm.

After speaking with my brother, I called my Granddaddy; he said my Grandma was fine and would be coming home in a couple of days. I spoke with my mom for a little while and then called the hospital to see how things were going. BTW 411 is not a very good info provider; especially when you are trying to find out a number for a hospital; and you're crying.

So, the nurse I spoke with said she was doing well. She was in ICU, and would be moved to a room outside of ICU on Tuesday. I called Tuesday at 6:30am to see how she was doing; the nurses reported fine and she would be moved later in the afternoon; which she was. I called back when she was moved to her room and was able to speak with her; the kids spoke with her and told her their concerns and how much they loved her.

My Grandma is the lady who made sure I went to church; made sure I knew about Jesus, made sure I listened; was polite, repectful; kind, lady-like.
I am her Angel and she is my Guardian Angel.

I love her so deeply; she practically raised me; she is like a Mom to me.
She is perfect. She is wholesome and gente;
She is kind and warmhearted.
She prays every chance she gets;
She journals so she won't foget.
She takes care of her husband and laughs at his jokes.
She loves her man and he loves her back;
They argue at times; then forgive and forget.
She is an example of purity and wisdom;
She is goodness and love; hearty and fun.
She is mercy and grace all rolled up in one.
She prays for me;
She's my guardian angel.
Without her prayers;
God knows where I'd be...

Thank you Lord for my Grandma.
Thank you for what she has taught me
In words and in action
I've watched her all my life
And ya know what I saw?
I saw You.
I saw Jesus.
I saw Love
I saw Mercy.
I saw me.



I love you Grandma.