Testing

I don't know about you, but I hate tests. Tests at school, tests at the doctors office; you name it, I probably wouldn't like it.

My doctor wants me to get a blood test, my professors want me to take tests ... even God wants me to take tests.

It's not the test that I don't like, it's the results.

I don't necessarily have to prepare or prep for a blood test, nor do I have to worry about the results; but I do.

When I prepare for a "book" test, I know what will be on it and I leave thinking I failed. I dread the results and yet, I know I performed well.

I pray and seek God's guidance and try to make each day count as a success at the end of the day and yet I still feel as though I have failed the test God may or may not have given me.

Why in the world is that?

I think it's due to my insatiable fear of failure.
Who knows.

All I know is this: No matter how prepared I believe I am for the results, I am almost always anxious about the results.

Going to Heaven and hearing "Well done, Jess", then I will know I passed the test here on Earth. Seeing the results and the fruit of my labor here on Earth is evidence that I have passed the test. However, alleviating the angst I feel every time I have completed a test and not knowing how well I have performed makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

Thank God, I can take all my cares to the Lord.
Thank God, that he actually cares about how I feel about tests. ... maybe that's why he gives them to me so often.... so that I may one day trust Him and see His hand in each test I am given; Earthly or Heavenly.