Yesterday was fun! I wish we could have church at the park all the time. Hey! What a great idea. Pastor Byron, if you are reading this, I think maybe our next campus should be in a park. I can play and listen to the sermon at the same time, promise.
My husband and I walked around. My kids played and played and played. There were people baptized in the lake. It was so awesome. Inside I was ready to explode in excitement and somehow felt like the lady in the progressive commercial who tells everyone over the intercom, "We have a savings of $350" then proceeds to tell the guy what he gets with that. He says, "Wow" unenthusiastically, or perhaps as enthusiastic as a man could be about that. And she goes "Wow, yeah, but I say it louder". The guy just looks at her like she's a fry short of a happy meal.
I felt like saying "WOW", but it's the having people look at me funny that stopped me. Oh well. Next time, maybe. When I was baptized I thought I would come out of my own skin with enthusiasm. Something about it makes me want to scream with joy! But I contained myself, I wonder why?
Anyway. It was great to see people following the example of Christ. It was terrific. God is so great and it reminded me of another truth about blessings. You should have seen how many people were there. Holy cow! The beach front was loaded with people watching the baptisms. The cheering, the clapping, the cameras flashing! What an honor.
Why would we have the growth explosion that we have had in the short amount of time since we have moved to the theatres if it wasn't God's planning ... and timing .... and will. We have only been in the theatres since January. And already we have baptized baby Christians, not just the oops I think I did it wrong the first time people. Plus there have been life changing stories of people who would have never dawned the doors of a church before now. Now, if that ain't God moving and blessing that which was his plan to begin with, I don't know what is. I do know this: People can't move people. But, God can and will move people.
It was great! So you better come next time.
Oh, and get this. My husband, who is very uncomfortable in his own skin around a bunch of people actually swung on the swings with me (and I didn't have to beg). Honey, if that ain't God moving people, I'm Aunt Jamima! There was a time while swinging that he was actually trying to see if he could swing higher than me ... I didn't even know he was competing with me until I saw his face. He competes with me with nearly everything ... down to who's the best cook. It's funny! My kids are the judges. But I think it's not truly a competition, because I can't cook what he cooks and he can't cook what I cook ... so is that really a competition. Oh, well. At least everyone eats it ... and likes it.
Can you believe Pastor B, or as we like to call him in my house, the Big Daddy B, has been the senior pastor for five years now! How incredible! And if you have been here since, wow ... you would actually be a witness to someone who actually does what they say they are going to do. It is amazing to see what God can do with someone of integrity and honesty; someone who cares more about pleasing God than pleasing others ... particularly the nay sayers of a church. Barf.
It is amazing to see what God can do. I think that's why it is so important to take notes and pray and journal. In fact, God instructs us to "write it down". I don't know who it was, but just recently I was reading .. oh yes, Sex.God and Rob Bell writes about remembering and how many times the word is actually used in the Bible. A lot. So, duh! Do you really think you are going to remember by just telling yourself you will. Your memory isn't that good.
Wanna know how I know? What did you wear last Tuesday evening? How mnay outfits did you try on first before you finally picked what you wore? What color were your underwear? Socks? What shoes did you wear? (this may be easier for the guys, they seem to wear the same color underwear and socks and blue jeans) You get the point.
Ok, then. What did Pastor Big Daddy B preach on in October .... what did you learn ... what prayers did you ask God about ... did he respond ... Are you still waiting? You won't know what God is doing if you don't write it down. Plus, you will find yourself complaining more and thanking him less if you don't write stuff down to remember. Some people think journaling has to be long and drawn out, but it doesn't. Just write as much as you need to remember. Write your prayers out. Then you can actually revisit them and be a real life witness to what God is doing. It's is for your own benefit.
I can go back to my notes and read prayers that I prayed for during the sermon and some have been answered, some are on back order ... But it's going back and reading and reflecting on what God has done. Especially during those times when I think he's MIA. And even during those times when leaders are being attacked. Alls I have to do is go back and read and pray and seek the scriptures to know the truth. And that is: God honors and blesses those who honor and bless him. That is what I see in the leadership at C3.
Come and see it for yourself. I can't promise that church won't let you down from time to time (cause church is full of people and people will let you down), but what I can promise you is this: when you come to C3 you will encounter a God who won't let you down. He never has and he never will.
As my friend says : C U @ C3
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
I'm right here
I promise not to take a week off from blogging ever again. ... promise....
But I did save a lot of money by painting my own living room ...
FINALLY!
Ya gotta see it....
I love sunflowers......
Read the blog below .... I just posted it TODAY. It's a tad long,
but I feel it's worth your wild ...
Yeah me! (clappinghands in front on me)
Come on ... haven't you ever seen Suite Life of Zack & Cody ;o)
But I did save a lot of money by painting my own living room ...
FINALLY!
Ya gotta see it....
I love sunflowers......
Read the blog below .... I just posted it TODAY. It's a tad long,
but I feel it's worth your wild ...
Yeah me! (clappinghands in front on me)
Come on ... haven't you ever seen Suite Life of Zack & Cody ;o)
Alright Already!
Have you ever felt like just telling God, "Alright, alright. I get it, already. Stop with the testing and stuff, ok?"
Dude.... you have no idea. Like come ON already!
Like it seems I just finished taking a test and then BAMMO! He gladly gives me another one just to make sure I actually got it this time.
Ya see, that's the trouble when you ask God for wisdom and the "P" word. I'm not gonna say it cause then I'll get another test. So if I'm quiet and I don't actually say the word then maybe God won't hear me and test me with it.... again. I don't even think I am over this test yet.
Have you ever played or watched the $10,000 pyramid... ok well it's a word that means waiting.... be still .... someone’s in front of me and it's not my turn yet so I have to be .... I'd really like to tell you to be quiet but I will have be "blank" and wait for you to be quiet on your own .... you are trying my ....
I think you get the picture =D
Well, so there's this person. They tend to talk about things that have no relevance. And to top it all off, they think they are in the right and justify themselves all the time. But here's the kick in the pants, they think what they have to say is The most important thing like ever. And I think God is ... like ... testing me with the "P" word again with this one ... since I ask him everyday to help me figure out this "P" word ....
Plus, get this ... I ... like .. just so happened to have asked God to also help me love one another this year. That was my New Year's resolution last year "TO LIVE LOVE OUT LOUD" well, um. I kinda like forgot. SO I think God is holding me accountable to it this year. Thanks God. Really, no, I mean it, thanks. I'm enjoying it. (NOT)
Really, all kidding aside. It is a very difficult journey to like ... LOVE everyone. AND actually show it. What a challenge. What did I ask for. Holy canolli. I thought it would be easy. That is until just recently ... I discovered there are many tweaked individuals out there ... and I can't believe I thought it would be easy ....
Boy oh Boy! Oh boy!
Ok OK . So ... like .... I get it. Some people are just egocentric, stuck-up, self-centered, insensitive, insatiable, inconsiderate prigs.
So what to do .... what to do.
Ummmm.
Ummmmmmm.
OOOmmmmm.
That's me doing meditation ... yeah right! I have another bridge for ya.... it connects California to Hawaii ...
Well, I've been asking God to show me what love looks like around me and in his word (the Bible, for those of you who didn't know what "the word" is).
It's hard. It is really, really, really hard.
When I could actually show someone love, someone who is bugging the bees-wax out of me, I find myself wanting a way out ... I find myself trying to come up with excuses to leave.... or say something ... What is wrong with this picture..... AUGH!
That's not what I want to do.
And then in hind sight. .... I can see what I should have seen and then I can't say what I should have said. ....
I feel like I'm in the middle of a country western song ....
What I could've said
I didn't say
What I should've said
I didn't say
What I should've done
I didn't do
What I would've done
If I could've done ...
Well you add some twang and geetar to that and you gotch yerself a country soung....
Hey, ... I love country .. really.
What I have found is this: Life is full of challenges and God is there for each of them. Some people have unhealthy ways of dealing with their stuff; yet seem to be holding it all together. God created us so differently and yet He is the same. Isn't that cool! I think that's so cool. He doesn't change. He keeps his promises. It is difficult for us to understnad because we are merely human. But God helped us understand through his son Jesus.
Jesus came to Earth to help us understand who God is as well as how to live life God's way. He showed us. Ya see, before, all the people had was a bunch of books and the high priests. Then Jesus came: A living, breathing testiment of who God really is. WOW! I wish I would've been there. I think I would pick the time when Peter walked on water.
Why? Well, because I don't think he took his eyes of Jesus. Hear me out ... I think the waves blocked his view and he couldn't see Jesus, therefore, causing him to panick and sink.
Matthew 14:30 says "but when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'"
Here's what I think. When the wind came, it stirred up some waves, and even though Jesus wasn't far, Peter lost sight of him and freaked!
We live near Cocoa, so the beach is so enticing this time of year. However, I have been wading; my calves haven't even gotten wet and I've been knocked on my kisser my waves. They are unpredicatable and can be very large; even near the shore. When a wave comes, depending on your perspective (key word there and another P word), the wave can blind you. You may not be able to see over it and therefore can not know what's on the other side of the wave once it passes.
I think Peter was in the same situation. He was walking on water towards Jesus. The wind kicked it up a knotch and caused some waves to block Peter's view. He panicked because he couldn't see Jesus through the wave. Where did Peter think Jesus was gonna go? I don't know, but he's Jesus. I probably would've freaked out myself. I mean, after all that Peter had seen Jesus do, how was he supposed to know that Jesus wouldn't do a Houdini and disappear; or be like others in Peter's life and leave him.
That was Jesus' point when he said in reply, "You of little faith. Why did you doubt?"
Isn't that the point of all our testing? To really trust God even in the middle of a wave.
I mean, come on. We ask God for something. He says, "Okeedoekee" and then when he gives it to us, something doesn't go as we planned and we panic, wondering where he's gone ...
Peter probably thought walking on water was going to be a cake walk. Just like I thought asking God to help me love people by showing it and teach me patience (ooops, I said it) was going to be easy. No prob right? ... wrong. God was testing my faith in him to see me through; to see if I would follow through with him; to trust him. To know that he is there with me even though I can't see him over the waves.
Jesus didn't go any where. He was so close, in fact that the Bible says he reached out his hand and (I love this part) and caught him. Jesus caught him before he fell.
I love that!
I think in life, we let our problems and people and jobs and money and people and distractions and disappointments and people and mistrust take our eyes off Jesus. We focus on the wind and the waves keeping us from Jesus. But that's what we think.
We allow it to happen because we don't actually believe that Jesus is on the other side of the "wave". We don't actually believe he is who he said he is. We think that Jesus could actually treat us like some people we know and leave or betray us. Well, that wouldn't be Jesus then, would it?
It's ok though. Jesus is right on the other side of the wave. Our problems and people and all the other stuff that try to blind us from seeing him are only temporary. Jesus is right there, even though you can't see him through the waves in your life, he's there, ready to catch you if you just call out to him.
SO, like ... maybe my resolution for next year .. I'll ... like ... ask God to help me with .... um .... something a little easier this time. Like maybe .... the "D" word ... and I don't mean Dallas..... No, not that one either. It's my least fave "D" word .... Diligence. That should be easy .... right?
Yeah right! How much for that bridge? Well, let's see here ....
;o)
Take it easy!
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.
Dude.... you have no idea. Like come ON already!
Like it seems I just finished taking a test and then BAMMO! He gladly gives me another one just to make sure I actually got it this time.
Ya see, that's the trouble when you ask God for wisdom and the "P" word. I'm not gonna say it cause then I'll get another test. So if I'm quiet and I don't actually say the word then maybe God won't hear me and test me with it.... again. I don't even think I am over this test yet.
Have you ever played or watched the $10,000 pyramid... ok well it's a word that means waiting.... be still .... someone’s in front of me and it's not my turn yet so I have to be .... I'd really like to tell you to be quiet but I will have be "blank" and wait for you to be quiet on your own .... you are trying my ....
I think you get the picture =D
Well, so there's this person. They tend to talk about things that have no relevance. And to top it all off, they think they are in the right and justify themselves all the time. But here's the kick in the pants, they think what they have to say is The most important thing like ever. And I think God is ... like ... testing me with the "P" word again with this one ... since I ask him everyday to help me figure out this "P" word ....
Plus, get this ... I ... like .. just so happened to have asked God to also help me love one another this year. That was my New Year's resolution last year "TO LIVE LOVE OUT LOUD" well, um. I kinda like forgot. SO I think God is holding me accountable to it this year. Thanks God. Really, no, I mean it, thanks. I'm enjoying it. (NOT)
Really, all kidding aside. It is a very difficult journey to like ... LOVE everyone. AND actually show it. What a challenge. What did I ask for. Holy canolli. I thought it would be easy. That is until just recently ... I discovered there are many tweaked individuals out there ... and I can't believe I thought it would be easy ....
Boy oh Boy! Oh boy!
Ok OK . So ... like .... I get it. Some people are just egocentric, stuck-up, self-centered, insensitive, insatiable, inconsiderate prigs.
So what to do .... what to do.
Ummmm.
Ummmmmmm.
OOOmmmmm.
That's me doing meditation ... yeah right! I have another bridge for ya.... it connects California to Hawaii ...
Well, I've been asking God to show me what love looks like around me and in his word (the Bible, for those of you who didn't know what "the word" is).
It's hard. It is really, really, really hard.
When I could actually show someone love, someone who is bugging the bees-wax out of me, I find myself wanting a way out ... I find myself trying to come up with excuses to leave.... or say something ... What is wrong with this picture..... AUGH!
That's not what I want to do.
And then in hind sight. .... I can see what I should have seen and then I can't say what I should have said. ....
I feel like I'm in the middle of a country western song ....
What I could've said
I didn't say
What I should've said
I didn't say
What I should've done
I didn't do
What I would've done
If I could've done ...
Well you add some twang and geetar to that and you gotch yerself a country soung....
Hey, ... I love country .. really.
What I have found is this: Life is full of challenges and God is there for each of them. Some people have unhealthy ways of dealing with their stuff; yet seem to be holding it all together. God created us so differently and yet He is the same. Isn't that cool! I think that's so cool. He doesn't change. He keeps his promises. It is difficult for us to understnad because we are merely human. But God helped us understand through his son Jesus.
Jesus came to Earth to help us understand who God is as well as how to live life God's way. He showed us. Ya see, before, all the people had was a bunch of books and the high priests. Then Jesus came: A living, breathing testiment of who God really is. WOW! I wish I would've been there. I think I would pick the time when Peter walked on water.
Why? Well, because I don't think he took his eyes of Jesus. Hear me out ... I think the waves blocked his view and he couldn't see Jesus, therefore, causing him to panick and sink.
Matthew 14:30 says "but when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'"
Here's what I think. When the wind came, it stirred up some waves, and even though Jesus wasn't far, Peter lost sight of him and freaked!
We live near Cocoa, so the beach is so enticing this time of year. However, I have been wading; my calves haven't even gotten wet and I've been knocked on my kisser my waves. They are unpredicatable and can be very large; even near the shore. When a wave comes, depending on your perspective (key word there and another P word), the wave can blind you. You may not be able to see over it and therefore can not know what's on the other side of the wave once it passes.
I think Peter was in the same situation. He was walking on water towards Jesus. The wind kicked it up a knotch and caused some waves to block Peter's view. He panicked because he couldn't see Jesus through the wave. Where did Peter think Jesus was gonna go? I don't know, but he's Jesus. I probably would've freaked out myself. I mean, after all that Peter had seen Jesus do, how was he supposed to know that Jesus wouldn't do a Houdini and disappear; or be like others in Peter's life and leave him.
That was Jesus' point when he said in reply, "You of little faith. Why did you doubt?"
Isn't that the point of all our testing? To really trust God even in the middle of a wave.
I mean, come on. We ask God for something. He says, "Okeedoekee" and then when he gives it to us, something doesn't go as we planned and we panic, wondering where he's gone ...
Peter probably thought walking on water was going to be a cake walk. Just like I thought asking God to help me love people by showing it and teach me patience (ooops, I said it) was going to be easy. No prob right? ... wrong. God was testing my faith in him to see me through; to see if I would follow through with him; to trust him. To know that he is there with me even though I can't see him over the waves.
Jesus didn't go any where. He was so close, in fact that the Bible says he reached out his hand and (I love this part) and caught him. Jesus caught him before he fell.
I love that!
I think in life, we let our problems and people and jobs and money and people and distractions and disappointments and people and mistrust take our eyes off Jesus. We focus on the wind and the waves keeping us from Jesus. But that's what we think.
We allow it to happen because we don't actually believe that Jesus is on the other side of the "wave". We don't actually believe he is who he said he is. We think that Jesus could actually treat us like some people we know and leave or betray us. Well, that wouldn't be Jesus then, would it?
It's ok though. Jesus is right on the other side of the wave. Our problems and people and all the other stuff that try to blind us from seeing him are only temporary. Jesus is right there, even though you can't see him through the waves in your life, he's there, ready to catch you if you just call out to him.
SO, like ... maybe my resolution for next year .. I'll ... like ... ask God to help me with .... um .... something a little easier this time. Like maybe .... the "D" word ... and I don't mean Dallas..... No, not that one either. It's my least fave "D" word .... Diligence. That should be easy .... right?
Yeah right! How much for that bridge? Well, let's see here ....
;o)
Take it easy!
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Testing
I don't know about you, but I hate tests. Tests at school, tests at the doctors office; you name it, I probably wouldn't like it.
My doctor wants me to get a blood test, my professors want me to take tests ... even God wants me to take tests.
It's not the test that I don't like, it's the results.
I don't necessarily have to prepare or prep for a blood test, nor do I have to worry about the results; but I do.
When I prepare for a "book" test, I know what will be on it and I leave thinking I failed. I dread the results and yet, I know I performed well.
I pray and seek God's guidance and try to make each day count as a success at the end of the day and yet I still feel as though I have failed the test God may or may not have given me.
Why in the world is that?
I think it's due to my insatiable fear of failure.
Who knows.
All I know is this: No matter how prepared I believe I am for the results, I am almost always anxious about the results.
Going to Heaven and hearing "Well done, Jess", then I will know I passed the test here on Earth. Seeing the results and the fruit of my labor here on Earth is evidence that I have passed the test. However, alleviating the angst I feel every time I have completed a test and not knowing how well I have performed makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Thank God, I can take all my cares to the Lord.
Thank God, that he actually cares about how I feel about tests. ... maybe that's why he gives them to me so often.... so that I may one day trust Him and see His hand in each test I am given; Earthly or Heavenly.
My doctor wants me to get a blood test, my professors want me to take tests ... even God wants me to take tests.
It's not the test that I don't like, it's the results.
I don't necessarily have to prepare or prep for a blood test, nor do I have to worry about the results; but I do.
When I prepare for a "book" test, I know what will be on it and I leave thinking I failed. I dread the results and yet, I know I performed well.
I pray and seek God's guidance and try to make each day count as a success at the end of the day and yet I still feel as though I have failed the test God may or may not have given me.
Why in the world is that?
I think it's due to my insatiable fear of failure.
Who knows.
All I know is this: No matter how prepared I believe I am for the results, I am almost always anxious about the results.
Going to Heaven and hearing "Well done, Jess", then I will know I passed the test here on Earth. Seeing the results and the fruit of my labor here on Earth is evidence that I have passed the test. However, alleviating the angst I feel every time I have completed a test and not knowing how well I have performed makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Thank God, I can take all my cares to the Lord.
Thank God, that he actually cares about how I feel about tests. ... maybe that's why he gives them to me so often.... so that I may one day trust Him and see His hand in each test I am given; Earthly or Heavenly.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Why God ... and this time it's serious!
Have you ever wondered why God allows certain things to happen?
I have.
Here's just some of the things I think about.
Why is it that someone who loves children can't have them and has a lot of trouble adopting, yet someone who is clearly a hazard to the health of a child spits them out like no body's business (and has no trouble at all adopting and being a part of the foster care system - go DCF!)???
Have you ever wondered why God takes the sweetest people you have ever known at such a young age and yet leaves the nastiest people here?
Why is it that parents who belong to MENSA have children with an IQ of 40?
How can God allow someone who has never had health issues, eats right, exercises goes to the doctors' regularly - now have cancer?
I recently finished the book Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb. In it he discusses three important things about why God allows suffering.
1- God did not send Christ to make our lives easier and becoming a Christ follower does not give you a stamp of approval for a worry free, problem free, stress free, care free, disease free life.
2- When God seems to be MIA, he is actually doing some very important work in your life.
3- Getting good things in life is great, but when bad things happen it allows us an opportunity to get to know God for who he is.
Never give up on God, be mad, be upset, cry, scream, be honest, but don't give up.
He's there. He's right there. Don't think in humans terms of "feeling his presence" because God is not human. Don't give up.
I have.
Here's just some of the things I think about.
Why is it that someone who loves children can't have them and has a lot of trouble adopting, yet someone who is clearly a hazard to the health of a child spits them out like no body's business (and has no trouble at all adopting and being a part of the foster care system - go DCF!)???
Have you ever wondered why God takes the sweetest people you have ever known at such a young age and yet leaves the nastiest people here?
Why is it that parents who belong to MENSA have children with an IQ of 40?
How can God allow someone who has never had health issues, eats right, exercises goes to the doctors' regularly - now have cancer?
I recently finished the book Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb. In it he discusses three important things about why God allows suffering.
1- God did not send Christ to make our lives easier and becoming a Christ follower does not give you a stamp of approval for a worry free, problem free, stress free, care free, disease free life.
2- When God seems to be MIA, he is actually doing some very important work in your life.
3- Getting good things in life is great, but when bad things happen it allows us an opportunity to get to know God for who he is.
Never give up on God, be mad, be upset, cry, scream, be honest, but don't give up.
He's there. He's right there. Don't think in humans terms of "feeling his presence" because God is not human. Don't give up.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Really, God, Why?
Just some things I'd like to know ...
I love ham & turkey, but why does it have to give me migraines?
Why can't I drink certain beverages without puking?
Why is it that kids don't hear what you want them to hear, yet always hear what you don't want them to hear?
I love cheese, so why can't I eat any kind I want to without getting a headache?
Why don't guys understand that the dominoes comercial with the guy who says, "Honey the dominoes lady says we have 30 minutes. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" is actually true?
Why do people actually think green bean casserole is good?
Why did you make green beans anyway, no one likes them unless they are diguised as a casserole?
What really happened to the dinosaurs?
And how come if Darwin retracted his whole "Darwin Theory" why are people still so bent on persuing the issue and its' relavance?
Why can't learning a second language be as simple as riding a bike?
And why can't remembering be as easy as never forgetting how to ride a bike?
Chocolate? Why did you make it taste so good?
And the things that are good for us, taste so much better with chocolate?
Why does broccoli look like a miniature shrub?
When you flooded the world, what happened to all the water creatures; since some can't survive in salt water and some can't survive in fresh water ... I don't get it?
What ever happened to Molly Wringwald?
When can the Buffalo Bills actually like, win a super bowl ... really?
And like when can like the 80's come back, cuz like I like totally like miss it and stuff.....
Why can't working out for 30 minutes a day produce results as fast as eating 30 minutes a day does?
Since science is so incredable and like my favorite thing in the whole wise world, I mean wide world, could you please make it possible for men to experience PMS ... just once, please? I think it will take just one man to send the message ... well, maybe not.
What's really in McDonald's chicken nuggets?
Will pigs ever learn to fly?
I think that's all for now.
What a fun day!
I love ham & turkey, but why does it have to give me migraines?
Why can't I drink certain beverages without puking?
Why is it that kids don't hear what you want them to hear, yet always hear what you don't want them to hear?
I love cheese, so why can't I eat any kind I want to without getting a headache?
Why don't guys understand that the dominoes comercial with the guy who says, "Honey the dominoes lady says we have 30 minutes. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" is actually true?
Why do people actually think green bean casserole is good?
Why did you make green beans anyway, no one likes them unless they are diguised as a casserole?
What really happened to the dinosaurs?
And how come if Darwin retracted his whole "Darwin Theory" why are people still so bent on persuing the issue and its' relavance?
Why can't learning a second language be as simple as riding a bike?
And why can't remembering be as easy as never forgetting how to ride a bike?
Chocolate? Why did you make it taste so good?
And the things that are good for us, taste so much better with chocolate?
Why does broccoli look like a miniature shrub?
When you flooded the world, what happened to all the water creatures; since some can't survive in salt water and some can't survive in fresh water ... I don't get it?
What ever happened to Molly Wringwald?
When can the Buffalo Bills actually like, win a super bowl ... really?
And like when can like the 80's come back, cuz like I like totally like miss it and stuff.....
Why can't working out for 30 minutes a day produce results as fast as eating 30 minutes a day does?
Since science is so incredable and like my favorite thing in the whole wise world, I mean wide world, could you please make it possible for men to experience PMS ... just once, please? I think it will take just one man to send the message ... well, maybe not.
What's really in McDonald's chicken nuggets?
Will pigs ever learn to fly?
I think that's all for now.
What a fun day!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Forgive Myself ... Forgive Myself ... Forgive ...
I don't know about you but there are many things that plague my life. One of them is the uncanny ability I have at dwelling on dumb things that I have done, either to myself or others. Oh it's fun, you oughta try it ... NOT!
I've messed up cars, broken things, lost things, wrecked relationships, trashed people; I mean you name it, I've probably done it ... or at least thought about doing it, or just haven't done it yet.
It's life, I am bound to mess up every now and then. However, when I do, I feel like the worst person on the planet. Like it's my fault or something. Or better yet, let's say I legitimately offend someone. I do like the Bible says and go to them and try to apologize and seek forgiveness. They say yeah, ok, alright, don't worry ... yada yada yada. BUT, they don't act like they have forgiven me, causing me to feel like I am the very worst ever and nothing I can ever do will make things better.
Now, that's the truth. There is nothing I can do to make it any better. Even if the other person won't forgive me, there is nothing I can do about it. Does that change the fact that I did something wrong? No. I asked God to forgive me and I sought forgiveness from the person; so why don't I feel any better.
That is a legitimate question. The reason I don't and probably won't feel better is because I haven't forgiven myself for being a rude, obnoxious, potty mouth, stubborn jackass, etc ...
Every time I revisit the past, full of garbage only God and a few others know about, I have forgiven the people, have asked God to forgive me, and if possible, I have sought forgiveness from others. And I would still feel like I was the worst person in the world ... Why? I was not forgiving myself.
My pastor talked about this yesterday. He said that I cannot grow if I don't let go. I need to be able to forgive myself, otherwise I will stay stuck in the current situation; even if God has already forgiven me of it. Weird, huh?
It is by far the hardest thing for a stubborn perfectionistic person like myself to do. I mean, I'm supposed to be perfect. I don't make mistakes. Well, I do, but when I do, I find they are only due to circumstances beyond my control and such things like that. (yeah, right. If you believe that, I've got some ocean side porperty in Arizona for ya)
So, what to do .... what to do ....
Forgive myself.
It goes like this.
Lord God, I forgive myself for not being perfect, for messing up, for not being the citizen of Heaven you've called me to be. I forgive myself for embarrassing myself and others. I forgive myself for not being who you have created me to be, but being whom I think I should have been created to be. Lord, forgive me for being arrogant and prideful in thinking that you couldn't possibly forgive me. I forgive myself for being arrogant and prideful, in that I think I can do a better job than you can sometimes. Well, who am I kidding, all the time. Forgive me for not trusting you. And I coose to forgive myself for not trusting you.
Forgive me for thinking that I can not forgive myself because I am supposed to be perfect and I deserve to feel like crap. Lord God, help me to forgive myself and to be mindful of my own self righteousness when I don't accept your forgiveness; and act as though there is something I can do to earn your forgiveness. Thank you Lord, for loving me unconditionally. You are so deserving of my praise. Thank you for your daily reassurances and reminders of your love and presence. I love you Lord.
Now, it's up to me to remember this and to do it each time I find myself blaming myself and being stuck in the muck of life.
Do I want to grow or be stuck collecting dust on a shelf somewhere?
I've messed up cars, broken things, lost things, wrecked relationships, trashed people; I mean you name it, I've probably done it ... or at least thought about doing it, or just haven't done it yet.
It's life, I am bound to mess up every now and then. However, when I do, I feel like the worst person on the planet. Like it's my fault or something. Or better yet, let's say I legitimately offend someone. I do like the Bible says and go to them and try to apologize and seek forgiveness. They say yeah, ok, alright, don't worry ... yada yada yada. BUT, they don't act like they have forgiven me, causing me to feel like I am the very worst ever and nothing I can ever do will make things better.
Now, that's the truth. There is nothing I can do to make it any better. Even if the other person won't forgive me, there is nothing I can do about it. Does that change the fact that I did something wrong? No. I asked God to forgive me and I sought forgiveness from the person; so why don't I feel any better.
That is a legitimate question. The reason I don't and probably won't feel better is because I haven't forgiven myself for being a rude, obnoxious, potty mouth, stubborn jackass, etc ...
Every time I revisit the past, full of garbage only God and a few others know about, I have forgiven the people, have asked God to forgive me, and if possible, I have sought forgiveness from others. And I would still feel like I was the worst person in the world ... Why? I was not forgiving myself.
My pastor talked about this yesterday. He said that I cannot grow if I don't let go. I need to be able to forgive myself, otherwise I will stay stuck in the current situation; even if God has already forgiven me of it. Weird, huh?
It is by far the hardest thing for a stubborn perfectionistic person like myself to do. I mean, I'm supposed to be perfect. I don't make mistakes. Well, I do, but when I do, I find they are only due to circumstances beyond my control and such things like that. (yeah, right. If you believe that, I've got some ocean side porperty in Arizona for ya)
So, what to do .... what to do ....
Forgive myself.
It goes like this.
Lord God, I forgive myself for not being perfect, for messing up, for not being the citizen of Heaven you've called me to be. I forgive myself for embarrassing myself and others. I forgive myself for not being who you have created me to be, but being whom I think I should have been created to be. Lord, forgive me for being arrogant and prideful in thinking that you couldn't possibly forgive me. I forgive myself for being arrogant and prideful, in that I think I can do a better job than you can sometimes. Well, who am I kidding, all the time. Forgive me for not trusting you. And I coose to forgive myself for not trusting you.
Forgive me for thinking that I can not forgive myself because I am supposed to be perfect and I deserve to feel like crap. Lord God, help me to forgive myself and to be mindful of my own self righteousness when I don't accept your forgiveness; and act as though there is something I can do to earn your forgiveness. Thank you Lord, for loving me unconditionally. You are so deserving of my praise. Thank you for your daily reassurances and reminders of your love and presence. I love you Lord.
Now, it's up to me to remember this and to do it each time I find myself blaming myself and being stuck in the muck of life.
Do I want to grow or be stuck collecting dust on a shelf somewhere?
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